My Struggles Do NOT Define Me

The experiences I have lived through help tell the story of my life but they do not define me. 

This is something I have to remind even myself sometimes. When ever the topic of suicide or PTSD is heard by a friend I am often the first person they think of. In one way I feel that is a positive thing because I have created an awareness. People know. It is also at times a negative because I am usually the first person they go to when they have a question or concern. I am not a professional and only have personal knowledge. I always feel I might give the wrong answer. I don't want to be responsible for another person dying. As much as I appreciate people having a newfound awareness of the epidemic I also want them to know that PTSD and Veteran Suicide are topics that I am passionate about and are part of my story but they do don't define who I am. I am so much more than a widow or someone with PTSD.

I'm a mom, I'm an artist, I'm a writer, I'm a stylist, I'm a costume designer, I'm a woman.  My brain just reacts to certain stimuli differently than the average person. Yes, I lost my husband to suicide but the way he lived his life, the family we created...that's far more important to me. He too was more than a Marine. He was a father, a carpenter, a mechanic, an artist, a man. The way he died did not define who he was. His struggle near the end of his life is not even who he was. He was just a man. A human being. 

Yes, because of him I fight hard for the cause. Not because he committed suicide but for the 20 years before. All the time we had together. The children who were a result of our love and commitment. I remain committed to the cause because of the man not the struggle. 

It's Memorial Day weekend. We celebrate those who died serving this country. I have recieved many messages saying our family is in their thoughts. There are so many other families in mine. The way they lived their lives and the people who loved them defined them, not just the way they died. Some heroic, some not nearly as romantic but equally tragic. 

I will never get lost in my struggles because they are not who I am. They are circumstances I have lived though. I will always keep the balance. Keep moving forward. Our struggles give us knowledge but they aren't us. We are so much more. 

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