Yes, this is my life

Have you ever had a dream so vivid and so terrifying it took a while after you woke up to convince yourself it didn't actually happen? At 4:12 am I woke in a panic. I felt my body for wounds and the moisture I first thought was blood from being shot was actually sweat that had soaked the length of my back. I jumped our of bed to make sure I could still walk. In my dream I was in an open court yard of a structure, Two stories surrounding me. It reminded me of the pool area from the show Melrose Place. A show I watched 20 years ago. Weird but that's what I thought. I was walking toward one side of the apartment or motel...what ever it was... When suddenly a huge commotion came on all side of me. Doors banging open and swat team members coming out of all the dark corners. I looked up to the second floor balcony and literally saw bullets flying through the air. I heard many loud voices screaming "Freeze! HANDS UP!" I knew I had to get myself out of thecross fire. I

Hate crimes are unconstitutional. (As if you needed to refer to the legalities of hate!) The national anthem is a representation of our Constitution and kneeling during the playing is a law abiders method of pointing out that our Constitution is being abused. It is not a reflection of the kneelers disdain for our country or our laws. It's the opposite. A silent protest to lives lost and cruel liberties taken against citizens who live for that constitution. It's a serious epidemic in this country. Comparing the act to servicemembers dying in action or fighting for the county is a bad way to go. They are DOING THE EXACT SAME THING but in different approaches. They are both trying to protect what they know to be true in the only way they know how. More people have died this year on our soil because they were black than because they were American fighting in a war zone. The two should never be compared. Apples and oranges. I'm asked a lot because I'm a widow of a Marine. H

It's so surreal that he didn't even make it to his 40. His entire life was lived in just under 39 short years. I'm lucky enough to say u knew him 20 of those years. We were married for 11 of them. I would love to say I regret nothing but that would be a lie. I wish I had told him more often how proud I was of him, how important he was to me and the kids, how much we admired his sacrifice for his country. I wish I had held my gaze a little bit longer, hugged him a little bit tighter and felt his heart beating when I rested my head on his chest. There are many things I would have liked to do if I had known our time was going to be so brief. Instead I now hold on to the memories of what was. Hoping that he knew how dedicated I was to him, our marriage and our family. I loved him with my whole heart. I wanted more than anything, for him to wake up one morning and realize how sick he was, how much he was hurting us and himself but the day never came. I didn't give up. I

It's officially into September now. I dread this month every year. This year was no exception. In the last days of August I will filled will such anxiety. To make matters more ironic I started my period on September first. So I don't know for sure if my anxiety was due to the natural PMS symptoms or if my period was early because of my heightened stress. It's funny because it's true. Your mind and your body and linked so strongly. I've never been more aware of this than since Mike's suicide. September is a hard month. Harder than most. It's the anniversary of his death and exactly one week later is his birthday. September is also Suicide Awareness and Prevention month. There are such heightened emotions for me in September. Most of the time I can't even process what it is I'm feeling because they change like Missouri weather. I don't know what I feel from one moment to the next. There is great sadness, at times pride, no matter the circumstan