Book Intro

INTRO
My husband grew up with both parents in his home. He went to private school. He always had the latest toys as a child. He never got into trouble, always did the right thing. Got a vintage mustang for graduation and went off to the Marines right out of high school.
I grew up in a broken home, was physically, emotionally and sexually abused as a child. My parents were addicts. We moved often to avoid bill collectors and drug dealers. I was in trouble often in school. Tardy or absent most of the time. I was kicked out of my home before I was even 18.


Which one of us seems more likely to commit suicide? Well I guess that's an easy question because I am writing this today. I was told my whole life I should write a book about growing up because it was so bizarre and troubled that you literally could not make the stories up if you tried. I had no idea that my trying times were not over when I became an adult, rather they only prepared me for what was to come. They toughened me up for what would become my reality as a Marine Wife, mother of three and then Veteran's Widow.


Even though I had been through more than most in my youth, nothing prepared me for becoming a widow at 34. The thought was there in the past. If he were going to die it would have been in one of his four deployments to a war zone. Those all past and he arrived home each time. He served his 20 years proudly and we said goodbye to the Marines.
We naively celebrated the accomplishment. We actually said “The hard part is behind us. Nothing but easy living from here on out!” I could kick my own ass for saying that. What a miscalculation that was?!
135 days after retirement he was dead. By his own hands. In my presence. While our children slept soundly ten feet away.
We were married 11 years. All of them while he served in the Marine Corps. It wasn't a shock when he did it. It wasn't if he would commit suicide, more like when? And he was the only one who didn't see it coming.
You get to that place not overnight but in years of denial and projection blame and pride.  

 So I guess I should start from the beginning. Perhaps our story can be a cautionary tale.

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