Yes, this is my life

I haven't blogged a lot lately because I can't sleep, or sleep when I should be awake.  I've been focusing on rekindling my interests in my waking hours.. I thought the creativity I held so dearly was gone with Mike. So I decided to just try. Just see if I still had it. As it turns out I still have it and it's making me happy. We bought a house and will be closing soon. It has a formal living room so I've been working on pieces for that area. I've been picking up stuff from resale shops and making them new. I'm excited about it. Which is also new. Excitement. If I can't sleep I might as well be making awesome pieces of furniture. You'd think sanding and carrying around huge dressers would exhaust me. Psh...

Literally. I've been having a really hard time with sleep lately. I had a sleep study and it concluded I have restless leg syndrome. I had a follow up earlier this week with my primary and explained to her that I wake up several times a night really disoriented and not knowing exactly where I am. She's sending my sleep study results to the best neurologist in the area to reevaluate the results but in the meantime she's given me Trazadone. It's supposed to aid patients with PTSD related insomnia and nightmares sleep. I sleep but oh my gosh my dreams are terrifying and so vivid. I remember ALL of them. ALL OF THESE DREAMS HAVE A CENTRAL THEME. PROTECTING MY KIDS DURING A VIOLENT AND TRAUMATIC ATTACK. FOR INSTANCE: In this dream I was sleeping on the couch in the living room. One of my kids was at the other end. The rest of my kids were asleep in front of the couch. I heard something at the front door. Then a man walks in. I can tell by the way he's walking he's

So I was on twitter today and one of the military analysts for CBS posted the new study showing there is no link between deployment and vet suicide. The study isn't new. I've been talking about it for awhile now. But anyhow, what it says is silly...obvious and useless. I will tell you what it says and we'll go over why I think this way. It says *gasp* it's not the combat vet who's seen war that is more likely to die by suicide but the service member who never did, and never finished one enlistment. ...well duh?! Let's think of why someone doesn't finish one enlistment. Injury. SUBSTANCE ABUSE Mental illness Criminal activity We already know that people who have chronic pain, drug and alcohol issues, mental health struggles and problems legally are more likely to kill themselves. They are in a high risk category. It's the reason they were likely kicked out of the military in the first place so their affiliation to the military is not as important