Yes, this is my life

Tomorrow is May and that marks the 8th month Mikes been gone. I can report that We are having having more good days than bad. But...today is the latter. We will never be completely over what's happened. Luckily, I know I'm not required to just "get over it". It's become part of our story. It makes up who we are.  I've had this nervous energy since I woke up this morning. I can't concentrate. I can't sit still. I can't really focus on anything. I used it to clean the apartment, walk to school to pick up the kids and take them to the pool twice. Now they are in bed asleep and I'm searching my brain to identify what exactly has me so anxious. I am not sure. Except maybe seeing a Mother's Day commercial this morning. It sort of crushed me.  I'm a mother because of him. And then I thought about Fathers Day. How will it feel when that days comes? How do I prepare myself for the soul shattering day? We are lucky to have Sean in our lives but t

A year ago Mike, the kids and I had just moved back from California to Missouri. We had such high hopes for starting our life after retiring from the Marines. Mike was in good spirits for the most part and we were excited to move into our new place on a culdesac with a beautiful pink tree in the front yard and a amazing fire pit in the back. It was the perfect home. Mike was enrolling in school and I was determined to find a job. The kids were starting in the school district we attended as kids. Life was looking pretty good. I had no idea a year later I'd be where I am today. What I learned is life changes and sometimes life changes YOU...and that's okay. We evolve. We take what we learned from our experiences and become better stronger people. I'm wiser than I was a year ago, I'm more prepared. I don't know what will happen or where life will take me but I know it's coming. I learned life is like being in the ocean. If you struggle against the current you will

Domestic violence is a major issue in our society today, laws have been made to protect those suffering from abuse in the home. It took many years for such laws to be enacted. At one time it was perfectly acceptable for a man to hit, berate and sexually assault his wife. It was considered a valid exercise of authority from husband to wife. We have come a long way. The authorities now recognize this as what it is, abuse.  Because new laws exist women can live freely without fear of violence. Many women are alive today because the court's protection. With that being said, it is also now being used as a tool by women to exercise power over men in their lives. It's a sad and disgusting result of the very laws to protect us. False allegations of domestic violence are at the very least an insult to women who are abused. It makes efforts to secure protection even harder for women who actually need it.  If you are going through a divorce or custody issue and file false charges to gain

I'm not at all offended that we are not a "Gold Star Family." What's a pin going to do? Honestly? Gold stars are for toddler potty charts. Gold stars are for celebration. I didn't accomplish anything. I married a man who served in the military and died. I see no need for a pat on the back. If he were a plumber I wouldn't expect a gold plunger after he died. My cousin was KIA in Iraq in 2009. He left behind two young sons. His wife  Stephanie has a gold star. Do you think her pain and mine are any different? Our kids have no father. We lost our identity and our entire lives changed. Their loss and ours is no different. Both men were brave and both defended our country. Both died as a result of war. Just the fact that they served proudly is enough.  If we are recognized for anything I want it to be for his hard work and dedication to the Marine Corps, this country and his family. Not for his death. If there were a bedazzled pin for that I would probably wear it.