Yes, this is my life

Losing your spouse to suicide makes a person feel pretty much the same as if your spouse went out for a pack of smokes and never came back. All the emotions of being abandoned are there. It's like being dumped but you can never ask why or what you did to cause it. I have never been dumped by a boyfriend before in my life. I married all the boys I dated and I divorced my first husband. I have always said good bye first. ...Mike really got me good on his adios. Burn. He got his last laugh. I never had a frame of reference on being the dumpee. I assumed it was like in movies and tv. They sit around in dumper's old clothing, crying, singing off key along to sappy love songs with mascara running down your face, and eating ice cream. It's not a cliche...I actually did all of those things after Mike died. Saved By The Bell had the breakup depression spot on! Too bad I didn't find out how relatable it was until 20+ years after the show ended. I will never know why. I

We joined in the San Diego TAPS Seminar this month and it was amazing for reasons I didn't even expect. First off, the view from our suite was breath taking. I don't care that I see it regularly...I will never stop gazing at the ocean like a kid in a toy store. I'm in awe every time. The experience is so profound for me. Standing by the ocean you realize just how small you are on this planet and how my problems, although big to me at times...are so small in the big picture. **side note: I do this weird thing while on the beach. I didn't realize until just now that it's a "thing". (By thing I mean a healthy coping mechanism. Lol) as I sit on the beach I watch the waves come in I pick one that is impressive and I "feed" my worries and problems to the wave. I then watch the wave recede and as the ocean pulls back the water out to sea my anxieties/worries fears are pulled further out into the deep open ocean too. If you're looking for a &q