Single Parenting

My girlfriend posted a blog today about single parenting. Her husband is a Marine and deployed. She's at home with two little ones. I remember how that was while Mike was in. I did it three times with three kids. Once with only one kid. It's still not "single parenting" but I can relate to what she's trying to present.

I am a single parent. The difference between her and I is that I am solely responsible for providing for them. Financially, emotionally, morally, in every way. My husband isn't off earning money while I'm home. I have to budget, pay, pinch alone. 

I also am the only one responsible for how they end up as adults. It's a lot of pressure. I never know exactly what the right answer is so I just do my best and make all decisions for them from a place of love. I cross my fingers take a deep breath and hope it's good enough. 

I have Sean around and he's a big help but ultimately it's up to me. He could decide to pick up and leave at any moment and that's his right. He's not obligated to anything. It's me. 

Sometimes parenting alone feels like that children's game played at parties where you carry an egg across a field on a plastic spoon. You're just trying everything you can do to not drop that egg. If you drop the egg it's going to make a huge mess and you lose. Everyday I pick up my spoon and start carrying the egg across that field. Over and over again. 

It's pretty much the hardest thing I've ever done and you don't even know if you're doing it right until they are adults. It's hard enough raising children as a team...With someone to consult, someone to bounce ideas off. 

God, please don't let me screw them up too much? I'm really trying.