Boots on the Ground

They just announced we will have "boots on the ground" in Iraq soon. 

marinecorpstimes.com http://www.marinecorpstimes.com/article/20140923/NEWS08/309230066/Army-chief-Division-headquarters-will-deploy-soon-Iraq

I don't even know how I feel about it. Except to say when I read it my heart sank into my stomach and I felt such dread and loss. 

I don't care too much for the politics of it all. I can only tell you what I know. That is, my cousin Eddie was KIA in 2009 and my husband committed suicide last year after serving four tours in Iraq between 2003 and 2010. 

Although Mike had been twice deployed to Iraq when Eddie died I had a newfound realization that this shit is real. It became personal. He deployed twice more after his death and I agonized every minute knowing. 

When they pulled out of Iraq officially I trusted the job was done and felt such relief.  I cried for my cousin and his family that day. He was a hero. I had no idea of the silent war still brewing in my husbands mind. I knew he had changed but not the extent.

Yesterday my kids and I sang happy birthday to him in heaven. We had a cupcake, look up to the sky and told him we loved him. He would have been 40. 

Today I read we are headed back in and I'm just sad. I know if we don't finish what we started my husband and cousin died for nothing. I also know if we do, someone else's husband brother son and cousin will die and other families will feel the excruciating pain we do.

I love our servicemembers regardless of what they are asked to do. They do not get to pick when and where they serve. They only vow to defend this nation however they are ordered. God bless all who served and all who will put "boots on the ground" in the future. 

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