My new role

Since Mike died, military wives all over the country now come to me for help or advice on their spouses struggled with PTSD. I do my absolute best to give them resources, identify with their frustration and let them know they are not alone. I have to admit though, it's scares me sometimes. 

I obviously didn't know how to help Mike. Or that their could be help. I have learned so very much since he died and want to spread awareness but I am not a professional. I take each and every case personally. It's like I have to relive the time leading up to Mikes passing. And then the outcome, he died. 

I think to myself "what if another service member dies?" What if one of these ladies I have spoken to loses their husband. Can handle that? Did I do enough for them? Will I crumble if not? What I want you to know is I am just a wife. I have no professional claim. I can't "fix" anyone. Nor can you. If you come to me with your struggles I will listen, empathize and give you the resources I am aware of...but I can't change him. I can't do magic. 

In fact, some of the time helping, digging deep, hearing your story triggers my PTSD and I am completely drained but I do it because I can't imagine having even one more family go through what we did. I am always here to listen, to be a friend. 

I know I am not ready to be a peer mentor because I take each case, each family, each struggle so personally. I don't forget about you once we've spoken. You're on my mind and in my prayers everyday. I hope and I beg for a change. I wish they will see that PTSD is not shameful and they need help. I hope they realize that their life, their presence in the family is far more important than a title or rank or job. Yes, the military may be your life but your are everything to your family. If you're gone they have no husband, father, son, brother and your military affiliation means nothing. If my husband cleaned toilets for a living I would have loved him just the same. If we lost everything and had to start over I would have been fine. After all, he's gone now and I'm having to start over alone. 

I am a widowed mother of three. I don't have all the answers. I want to help, spread awareness and support but please don't expect me to give you the secret hack to beating PTSD. If I knew the cure, I wouldn't have it myself...

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