The Kids Suffer Most

I understand mental illness, the downward spiral he was in and how suicide is a common result of such conditions. I knew my husband when we were teenagers. We had 20 years worth of memories. I knew him before he was sick. I knew what was in his heart. My kids are so young. They only know that they had a dad when they went to sleep and when they woke up he was gone. 

It's such a raw deal. I had absolutely no problem explaining to my kids that daddy was a Marine and we must sacrifice our time with him so that he could go to other countries and protect their kids. I told them we should be proud, not upset that he's gone because he was helping others and keep our country free.

 He was deployed four times. About 28 months. That's not counting training missions, etc. including training he was gone 37 months of our marriage. That's over three years. My daughter was 6 when he died. We are talking about half her life. He was gone half her life. This was not even an issue until now. I look back and think "was it worth it?" My child missed out on time with her dad half her life and then he died. Will she even remember him? My son is only two years older than her. A third of his life was without him. 

Sometimes it infuriates me. The weight of the reality sits heavy on my chest. We proudly sacrificed our family time for a greater cause and when he died the Marines said there was nothing they could do. The VA said it was not service connected. No life insurance, no way out. Nothing. 

We have gotten FOUR duplicate awards from Barak Obama thanking us for his service. I guess that's nice.

He missed a lot of their first moments in life and he's going to miss so many more in death. He won't teach Mason how to build a camp fire, or take Kira to father daughter dances. He won't teach Mason to drive or give Kira away on her wedding day. 

And I told them to be proud to give up their time with him. I will never forget that. I am so sorry.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

False Domestic Violence Allegations and Personality Disorders

Domestic violence is a major issue in our society today, laws have been made to protect those suffering from abuse in the home. It took many years for such laws to be enacted. At one time it was perfectly acceptable for a man to hit, berate and sexually assault his wife. It was considered a valid exercise of authority from husband to wife. We have come a long way. The authorities now recognize this as what it is, abuse.  Because new laws exist women can live freely without fear of violence. Many women are alive today because the court's protection. With that being said, it is also now being used as a tool by women to exercise power over men in their lives. It's a sad and disgusting result of the very laws to protect us. False allegations of domestic violence are at the very least an insult to women who are abused. It makes efforts to secure protection even harder for women who actually need it.  If you are going through a divorce or custody issue and file false charges to gain
Read more

Service Member Suicide

It was recently announced that we have lost more service members this year to suicide than in combat. The statement is shocking, considering we are occupying Afghanistan and other war torn areas of the world and everyday another name is added to the list. People don't want to talk about the suicides. Its as if its a shameful secret swept under the rug. According to the Army soldier suicide is up 80%. EIGHTY PERCENT. We are doing something wrong. It seems that those who truly need help are afraid to talk and those who don't want to quickly blame PTSD for any shortcoming they have in life after war. On the news, if someone robs a bank the first thing they report is he was a combat veteran in one of the branches of the US Military. They skirt around PTSD as a motive. PTSD is real and its not an excuse to toss around lightly. I know why our service members don't reach out. I have been personally effected by it and now since my husband is weeks from retirement and 20 years of
Read more

The Gentle Giant

Image
There are three men in my life that since childhood I have trusted explicitly. Jaime Valenzuela, Sean McGee, and Kenny Loveless. They have loved and protected me for 25 years and have always been there for me in thick and thin. The relationship was special with those three and even to this day I know for a fact that if I called them and told them I needed help their first reply would be "who's ass needs kicking?" It would NOT matter who, or if I were right or wrong they had my back. Today we lost one of those guys and in a way the world feels a bit less safe. We learned that Kenny passed away. He will be sorely missed by so many. We grew up together in a small farming community in Missouri, in the same neighborhood just one street away. There was a group of neighborhood kids who were together daily usually mobbed up in one or the other's front yard. We were as thick as thieves. For the most part even though half of us moved far away and we all grew up to have lives
Read more