For The VA

We are struggling with the VA to reclassify his death as service related suicide. As of now it's just a 'self inflicted gunshot to head". 

In order for this to happen I must collect letters from people who knew him and witnessed his behavior change. I found out this week that I must also write a letter. So, as hard as this will be to write out I am doing it today. This may be incredibly raw and extremely hard to read. I will warn you in advance. But remember; as hard as it is to read it was even harder to live through. 

My name is Misty Blum. My husband was SSgt Michael John Blum. He served 20 years in the Marines. He retired May 01, 2013. 136 days later he walked into my garage and shot himself in the head. He died instantly September 15, 2013. The pain he'd been in for the past 8 years finally got the best of him. He could no longer live with it.

At the time of his death we had been married for 11 years. But I knew him since childhood. We grew up in the same small town, in the same subdivision just down the street from eachother. We started dating when I was just 14 years old. 

His first deployment to Iraq was in 2003, when the war first started. When he returned it was such a happy time. We were just so happy to be back together again. He was a bit different but it was to be expected. We were warned in the pre-deployment brief that it takes time for them to adjust to life again. 

Four months after his return from Iraq he began Recruiting school. After graduation we were sent to his new duty station RS Chicago. It was shortly after that I began to notice real drastic changes in his behavior. I think the stress of this new job somehow triggered his PTSD. He lost 30 lbs. He rarely spoke when at home and when it was it was critical, hateful and scary. He told me he wanted to drive his car into Lake Michigan. I once found him sitting in his car in a parking lot, just staring blankly. I stopped and asked if he was waiting on someone. He said yes hesitantly. I took his word kissed him and went on to the mall. two hours later I passed him in the same spot, with the same look on his face. 

This was when I really began to worry. 

He began not coming home after work. Days he'd be gone with no explanation. I begged, pleaded, cried for him to tell me what's wrong. What can I do? At this time he also began to bleed heavily from his rectum. He went to the doctor and had testing done. The doctor found not physiological cause. He said it was most likely stress. 

A few weeks later I walked into our bathroom and flipped on the light. I found him slumped on the floor crying. I had never seen him cry in the 15 years I'd known him. I sat down next to him put my arms around him and cried with him. He was rambling, speaking incoherently. I only understood him saying he wanted to die. I was 7 months pregnant at the time with his first child, his first son. It should have been the happiest time of our life but it was the exact opposite. I decided I had to help him. I had to do something. I needed him, his son needed him. So I called his command the next day.

I explained to his CO about his behavior, his contemplating suicide. His inability to sleep, eat. The stress related bleeding. He seemed understanding. I thought he would help. Instead, the took him off of recruiting and made him work in the Recruiting Station. He relieved him for cause but instead of getting orders to another duty station he was to remain in the RS for the remaining two years of his duty. Instead of helping him, they punished him. I felt I made it worse. I did exactly what I was told to do and I failed him.

We got orders for camp Pendleton in 2007. I was hopeful that maybe it was just recruiting that had him depressed. He blamed that for his behavior. I was sadly mistaken. As time went on he got worse. He was emotionally and verbally abusive to me and the children. His sleep became worse. His sweat was so bad that our sheets were literally bleached on his side of the bed. He snored so loudly and on several occasion punched or kicked me while dreaming. This wasn't the only sleep disturbance. It affected our sex life. We no longer had sex while I was awake. He would wait until I was sound asleep to have sex with me. I would often wake up with my panties off knowing what had happened and cried. I tried to explain that it hurt my feeling but he didn't stop. I began sleeping on the sofa.

His paranoia hit an all time high. He began scouring my cell phone, my computer and even checking the milage on my vehicle and my GPS. He did not want me socializing with friends. He questioned where I was at all times.

He refused to leave the house. He would no longer go to dinner with myself and the kids.  He said our children were embarrassing and he would not be seen with them in public. He stopped attending our sons soccer games or going to school functions.

He had no real friends but did hang out occasionally with the neighbors but only while drinking. That began about 2010. He began drinking heavily. His whole demeanor changed. He was very mean to me when he drank. His paranoia increased and I would usually leave the gathering early to avoid conflict. 

He was unnecessarily hard on our children. He intimidated and threatened them regularly. I could no longer leave him alone with him. CPS was in our home one three different occasions and in two different states. 

In 2012 he called me from work saying he was on his was to the hospital, he thought he was having a heart attack. They did the EKG and he had a healthy heart. His blood pressure was really high. Again, the attributed it to stress. They gave him meds to control his blood pressure. 

When he finally retired in 2013 he refused a retirement celebration. He blamed the Stress of the Marine Corps on all his problems and promised when we were back in our home town he would be fine. 

Again, this was not true. He drank daily and stayed in the garage alone all day and night. He converted the garage into a man cave. He hung all his military awards and photos on the walls. He sat down there staring at them and drinking. He completely disconnected from the family. His eyes were cold and empty. 

When he began becoming physically violent with our children I told him as much as l love him I had to protect our children. He had 30 days to see a professional or he had to go. Two weeks later he was dead.

He did not help himself by denying he had a problem but he definitely did. He served the country for 20 years. He went to war 4 times. There is nothing that can possibly happen in 136 days (from his retirement date until his date of death) that could cause a man to commit suicide. It was service related. His denial is so common. After all, if the Marine Corps wanted you to have feelings they would have issued you them. 

Please honor him and his sacrifice. Reclassify his death as service related suicide. He gave everything he had to serving this country. 

Sincerely,

Misty Blum 

Wife of SSgt Michael Blum (Retired/deceased)