It wasn't a bad marriage.

One of my fellow TAPS members, the mother of a soldier who also committed suicide told me yesterday the way I talked about Mike it seemed our marriage was a difficult one. It threw me off a bit because the truth is...I didn't know how bad it was until after he died.

It had been the way it was for so long that it was our normal. We became comfortable walking on eggshells with him. I got used to trying to predict his reaction to things, his moods and lying for the kids to keep them from bearing the brunt of his rage. But I never felt like it was a "bad marriage". 

But I guess now that I have had time to reflect it sort of was. I was emotionally and sexually abused. My kids were emotional, physically and verbally abused. I guess I was in a state of denial also.  I remember telling the kids not to do certain things because their father would flip out. I had to hang his clothing in the closet just right. Jeans first, then shirts by color and all facing forward, only on black plastic hangers. Not any other color or a wire hanger. I nearly had panic attacks when I'd hear him open the closet door in our room. 

He had very odd house rules. Most of them I didn't understand but I had stopped questioning his logic years ago. The kids would tell me fairly often "you're not the boss. dad is!" I had completely lost my authority. If I gave them permission to do something he would go over my head and tell them no he didn't care what mom said he said no. I just felt like a bad parent because I obviously let them do something they shouldn't have. 

It wasn't until we moved back to MO and was living with my sister that she noticed my demeanor changed, I was subservient, meek and overly attentive. She asked what the hell was going on. I told her it was just easier for all of us the go his way. 

He wasn't always like that. It was such a slow progression that I really didn't notice it happening. He didn't wake up one day a total dick. And sadly, I was usually the first one to tell a girl not to put up with a man so domineering. I now feel like I was a total hypocrite. But he was a sick man, not a bad man. 

He had amazing moments when he would snap out of it and be fun and loving and playful so I always had hope. My marriage wasn't bad. As far as marriages go I was with him in good times and bad, in sickness and in health til death did us part. I didn't give up on him when I probably should have. I upheld my commitment. I stuck by his side through four deployments and ten years of the Marines. I was a good wife. I loved him unconditionally. When he was well he was a wonderful husband.

My marriage wasn't difficult, maybe rocky? But I never stopped loving him. Isn't that what a marriage is supposed to be?

Comments

  1. UnknownMarch 6, 2014 at 11:40 AM

    I absolutely feel you on this one I live like that for 8 years

    ReplyDelete
  2. UnknownMarch 8, 2014 at 7:12 AM

    This is my life. Exactly. And like you I also love my husband. He wasnt like this. But he has become a dick almost EXACTLY like what you put. Denial is a strong emotion. I wish I could make him open his eyes. Im trying. ♥

    ReplyDelete
  3. sherryOctober 2, 2015 at 6:30 AM

    My husband is back!!! I had a problem with my husband 8 months ago,which lead to us apart. When he broke up with me,I was no longer myself,I felt so empty inside .Until a friend of mine told me about one of her spells that helped her in same problem too that she found on a television program. i emailed the spell caster and I told him my problem and I did what he asked me. To cut the story short,Before I knew what was happening,not up to 48 hours,my husband gave me a call and he come back to me and told me he was sorry about what has happened, I'm so grateful to this spell caster and i will not stop publishing his name on the internet just for the good work he has done for me.If you need his help,you can email him at (ezizaspellhome@gmail.com)or tel +2347068534025.....thank you sir great Dr.EZIZA for all that you do and i greatly appreciate that.

    ReplyDelete

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