I lost my breath

This afternoon Kira and I were in the garage collecting items we needed for a holiday wreath we made and the boys were playing basketball in the front. As usual the ball slammed into the aluminum garage door and made a loud crash. And...as usual I yelped. It scares me every time. This time though, Kira was out here with me. 
She asked me if it scared me as much as it scared her. I said it did. She then said something that made my heart stop. She said "it sounded just like a gun shot, huh?" 

....I panicked. Does she know? How does she know what a gun shot sounds like? What do I say? Do I ask if she remembers the sound from that night? They have not mentioned anything like this in the past six months.

I decided to let it go for now and see if anything else is said. I really want to talk to them after we no longer live here. I don't want them to fear the garage or feel bad about this place. It breaks my heart to think they might but my hands are tied. All I have ever wanted was to make my kids feel safe. It's really hard when I don't feel exactly secure here. I'm not scared, I'm just constantly reminded of what happened here. My "bedroom" is just feet away from where it happened. 

Moving out is moving on. I want a fresh start. We need a different environment, a clean slate. I want them to love their life. I can only control so much. 

How much do they really know?

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