Hurry Up and Wait

It seems like my life has been on pause for about 12 years now. I mean, we grow older and still go through our days but I've been "waiting" on something or other for over a decade.

When I was married to Mike it was wait for Recruiting Duty to be over so we can breathe. Then, it switched to wait for a deployment to be over so we can be a whole family again. Wait for his mood to change so we can be harmonious. Wait until retirement so we can start our real life. Now he's gone, I'm waiting but I'm not sure on what or why? I'm pretty tired of waiting. I'm wasting my life on hold for something I'm not ever sure now, what it is. 

I want to love in this moment. Right now. I have wasted enough time waiting. I'm still young and pretty healthy. I want more from life than waking up, cleaning, caring for kids and Netflix.  No one is going to get a life for me. It's time.

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