Dear Taya

Without sounding like a creepy stalker I feel a very intense connection to you personally. My husband was also a veteran who died way too soon. I became a widow at age 34. My husband had just been retired for 135 days. Our children were the same age when their daddies died. I know that your husband is hailed a hero, that his life and death has received such intense media attention, and he was a hero indeed. But it's you I think about because when the cameras stop rolling and the bright lights switch off you are like me, just a veterans widow who loved her husband very much and who has to look in her babies eyes knowing you can't fix the pain they feel. You cant bring him back when they cry out for him.

I know how it feels to lose your identity in minutes. To know in that moment everything for the rest of your life has changed. The enormity of loss that comes and makes a home in your heart. There's just a empty place now. Nothing can fill it and we honestly don't want it filled. After the immediate pain begins to subside it's converted to a memorial dedicated to the life you shared. I know that it's comforting to see the outpouring of support for your husband. I am sure it helps but I also know nothing can be said, or done to make it okay for his absence in your arms. We smile, we put on a brave face and remind our kids that daddy is up in heaven protecting God now. We push on with our lives, making new memories but even in our happiest moments there is still a dull ache because he's not there to share it.

I don't know you but I know how you feel. They were taken from us and no matter their medals, accomplishments, rank and service to their country to us he was just the boy you fell in love with and intended to grow old together.

I know the man who took your husband claimed PTSD made him do it but I know PTSD. THAT wasn't it. My husband had PTSD for nearly a decade and the only person he was dangerous to was himself. He took his own life. He could no longer fight the war in his head. He didn't want to hurt anyone. He only wanted the pain to stop. I witnessed his suicide that night and now I also have PTSD.  I guess what I am saying is I hope the blaming of PTSD on that man's actions has not made you hate the condition. If I saw you on the street I would be no danger to you. In a way, his defense wasnt just insulting in the taking of your husband's life but it's insulting to all of us who are diagnosed. I

I don't want society to fear people with PTSD. I don't want society to treat veterans with PTSD like monsters. The stereotypes out there are what keep vets from seeking help. The longer they deny help, the more at risk they become for suicide. This is something I have chosen to dedicate my life to...helping vets with PTSD awareness and suicide prevention.

When all of that is said and done we are just wives who loved and lost our husbands too soon. If you ever need to talk to another military wife who knows your grief and can understand I am always around.

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