Dear Military Wives

If I could share anything with you its this: Don't put your life and goals on hold while your spouse lives his dream. I don't say that in a derogatory manner. What I mean is, you can support them emotionally in their pursuit but don't forget about you.

A lot of us become moms and choose to stay at home. Although I was not a young mother and had a career before staying home, I was home with the kids for nearly seven years. I am from a financial/insurance background. In just those seven years the industry and  economy completely changed.

You can't predict the future. I had no way of knowing my husband would die, his insurance would expire and my prior employment history would be pretty much useless.

I thought things were fairly secure. I had no idea that the life insurance had to be elected after 120 days of retiring. My husband was not in the state of mind before his suicide to even shower regularly so financial issues among other things were grossly neglected.

Know what's going on with your financial future and security. If you should (God Forbid) end up widowed with no other help could you provide for your family? Discuss these things with your spouse. Make sure you have a plan. I didnt. We were so caught up in just surviving day to day that nothing else was attended.

I'm not just talking to the wives of the wounded. I am talking to every single wife. The military culture loves free stuff. Accept the free financial planning workshops or any other course or service that will help you understand your financial future.

I try to be gentle with myself and not feel the guilt of not doing so. I didnt. I didn't think he'd be dead before his 39th birthday.

I am making it work. I am positive and navigating the grief combined with fighting the VA for benefits earned by my husband, raising three kids and doing it on a very limited income.

I'm a smart girl, from a FINANCIAL background and yet here I am. Don't get caught up in his life and forget about securing your own. Especially if you have kids. You can't survive on minimum wage with kids. it's nearly impossible. The amount of income and benefits you receive in the military is huge but you don't truly appreciate it until you don't have it any more. You might think times are rough now but you would be shocked if it was all taken away and you didn't have some plan.

I am very much pro military, love my military community but there are others just like me, struggling. It's hard enough to lose your spouse. When you lose your spouse and don't know how you'll take care of your kids it is devastating.

The bottom line is, know your shit. Have some idea, plan, savings, understanding of benefits and entitlements now and after active duty. Please.

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