Timehop

I got this new app on my phone that goes into my facebook every year and tells me what I posted that day. Its really comforting. I got this one today...


That was four years ago. There was a time in my life when I thought the worst thing that could happen to me was surviving my childhood. It took me 15 years to come to terms with that. Being a child of alcoholics/addicts, being sexually abused, making it to adulthood...I thought that was my biggest trial. I had no idea I would be faced with another major hurdle. Who knows how long this will take to fully accept? I do know that if I could make it past my childhood I can also maneuver though this. I am strong. Not by choice, maybe by design. I cant imagine that God put me through all the pain as a child to prepare me for what was ahead as an adult.

I do know statistically I was likely to become involved with someone with a mental issue or abuse problem. Adults who were abused as children are more apt to continue the cycle as adults. Even if its not a conscious decision. They will either become an abuser themselves or get involved with someone who is. Years ago I would have said "you're a damned liar. that will never happen to me!" 

Even with all the knowledge I have of mental illness and abuse I still ended up there. My biggest challenge now is not only to see myself and my kids through this but to give them the tools to not just survive childhood but to make good choices as adults. I know the statistics for them. They are now more likely to also commit suicide. They are more likely to develop personality disorders, addiction problems, become involved with those who have problems. Its a scary thought but they aren't alone in this the way I was. I will teach them to be a survivor not a victim. I will teach them to celebrate their survival and life and not be weighed down with secrets and living in the role of a victim. Not because I am at all proud of what has happened to us but because I know its necessary to live a full happy life. There will be people in life who wont understand or will look down on them after learning their story but its only because they have never experienced it. Those who havent lived it cant possibly understand it. My kids will be survivors. 

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