I won't be that person!

I write for many reasons. The main reason is that it's my therapy. Well, one form anyway. I see an actual therapist weekly. But, writing frees my mind of all the random thoughts swirling around. I say what I want, how I feel. I'm completely honest. No holding back, no bullshit. It would be a disservice to myself to lie or misrepresent my feeling. Sometimes it's raw and hard to read. I never know how I'm going to feel because I've never gone through this before. I just share, release.

Yesterday when I met with my survivor advocate, he mentioned that when I am having a bad day to refrain from sharing online. He told me that other survivors, military wives are asking what's up with that wife in Wentzville? She seems...whoa! He said people are wondering about me. The other advocate said "you have this amazing gift in writing but you come off as a bad ass. You don't want people to think that right?" He said "you may miss out on opportunities if people take you the wrong way. Your can be THE voice of the epidemic if you keep those bad days to yourself. Write in your diary."

....I told them I don't give a rats ass about how I am received by strangers. If I am seen as a loose cannon then don't ask me to write or speak for your organization. I'm not a spokesperson for military suicide survivors. No one is paying me. I share because I know that others are feeling exactly how I do. I share so people considering taking their lives will know what happens to the family when they make that choice.

I'm not trying to change the world. I'm trying to survive this. If you think there is a problem just fucking ask. I am human. I'm not going to lie and say everyday is puppies and rainbows. How is that going to help? People who do read it will think their feelings are wrong because look at her...she's tap dancing with unicorns! This isn't easy, some days suck and I will not change to make others more comfortable. This is real.

Take it or leave it.

Comments

  1. thestigmomMarch 2, 2014 at 1:50 PM

    We appreciate your honesty Misty. What's the point in writing if you aren't real/true to yourself! And you know what?. You ARE a badass! You're handling all of this much better than a lot of people I know and writing about those bad days helps people understand that their emotions are normal because there is no normal. You're awesome. You're Strong. You're getting through this.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

False Domestic Violence Allegations and Personality Disorders

Domestic violence is a major issue in our society today, laws have been made to protect those suffering from abuse in the home. It took many years for such laws to be enacted. At one time it was perfectly acceptable for a man to hit, berate and sexually assault his wife. It was considered a valid exercise of authority from husband to wife. We have come a long way. The authorities now recognize this as what it is, abuse.  Because new laws exist women can live freely without fear of violence. Many women are alive today because the court's protection. With that being said, it is also now being used as a tool by women to exercise power over men in their lives. It's a sad and disgusting result of the very laws to protect us. False allegations of domestic violence are at the very least an insult to women who are abused. It makes efforts to secure protection even harder for women who actually need it.  If you are going through a divorce or custody issue and file false charges to gain
Read more

Service Member Suicide

It was recently announced that we have lost more service members this year to suicide than in combat. The statement is shocking, considering we are occupying Afghanistan and other war torn areas of the world and everyday another name is added to the list. People don't want to talk about the suicides. Its as if its a shameful secret swept under the rug. According to the Army soldier suicide is up 80%. EIGHTY PERCENT. We are doing something wrong. It seems that those who truly need help are afraid to talk and those who don't want to quickly blame PTSD for any shortcoming they have in life after war. On the news, if someone robs a bank the first thing they report is he was a combat veteran in one of the branches of the US Military. They skirt around PTSD as a motive. PTSD is real and its not an excuse to toss around lightly. I know why our service members don't reach out. I have been personally effected by it and now since my husband is weeks from retirement and 20 years of
Read more

The Gentle Giant

Image
There are three men in my life that since childhood I have trusted explicitly. Jaime Valenzuela, Sean McGee, and Kenny Loveless. They have loved and protected me for 25 years and have always been there for me in thick and thin. The relationship was special with those three and even to this day I know for a fact that if I called them and told them I needed help their first reply would be "who's ass needs kicking?" It would NOT matter who, or if I were right or wrong they had my back. Today we lost one of those guys and in a way the world feels a bit less safe. We learned that Kenny passed away. He will be sorely missed by so many. We grew up together in a small farming community in Missouri, in the same neighborhood just one street away. There was a group of neighborhood kids who were together daily usually mobbed up in one or the other's front yard. We were as thick as thieves. For the most part even though half of us moved far away and we all grew up to have lives
Read more