Hello from Heaven

Things happen after a loved one passes. Sometimes everything and everyone reminds you of them. A song you know they loved comes on the radio. It calms you. Comforts you. You think it could be a coincidence but what a welcomed one...and right when you least expected it. You let the tears flow. It's a cleansing cry. For one brief second you feel as connected to that loved one as you can be. It feels good. Especially when it's been a long time since you felt their presence. You don't care if it coincidence or not you needed it.
And then...there is a day like I have had today when it seems this can be no coincidence. It feels as if they are trying to get your attention. So much so that you have to sit down and really consider it's possibility. Let me start from the beginning...
This morning I woke up to my dog barking his head off. I thought maybe the doorbell rang. I stumbled down the steps and to the front door...nope. nothing. I walked around the house looking at the perimeter checking for another animal or person. Nothing. He continues this barking for four hours. I decided to finish weed eating. I can't hear him bark over the weed eater. For a second I'm relieved. The barking has been like torture all morning. As I'm in the yard finishing up weed eating I look down and see one of Mikes old name taped caught on a hunk of grass near the street. It's sun faded and wrinkled but how odd to randomly find this. I reached down and held it a moment thinking of him and remembering it wasn't too long ago this was attached to the uniforms he hung on my kitchen chair every evening. I look up and said "thank you" put the tape in my pocket and picked the weed eater back up. Before I could start it up the smoke alarm in my garage began blaring. I ran in to check the house. No smoke. No fire. No gas. I was searching the garage for something to stand on to check the alarm. I find a cooler, drag it over. Step up unsure if it will even hold me and get within reaching distance of the damned thing and it just stops...

...all I can do is giggle and say "ok, Mike. I hear ya. You're as big a pain in the ass dead as you were alive. I love you too."

I admitted defeat. I acknowledged it may not be coincidence. I sat down and really thought about him. Enough so that I'm writing this blog entry. My dog wore himself out too and is actually quiet for a minute. I'm able to write and reminisce in peace.

I guess the bottom line is: whether you believe in it or not, whether you think it's coincidence or a direct message from heaven, take that moment and allow yourself to go back and honor a memory of your loved one. It doesn't matter if you blame cosmic coincidence or Devine intervention...those moments of reflection are good for the soul. Especially if your loved one died by suicide. You're not focusing on how they died but how they lived. You have that brief transfer of energy. The connection you thought you'd lost.

Sometimes I don't even consider how it's possibly just in my head. I know right then I need that validation. I need that acknowledgment. I just enjoy.

Whether it's a hello from heaven or just reminding yourself they are always in your heart, embrace that moment. It feels really good. In grief those moments can be few and far between. It's ok to feel good. It's ok to feel happy, to laugh at the Leminey Schnicketts series of events.

Maybe that was in the plan in the first place.