WEARING ORANGE

Today people are wearing orange around the country to take a stand against gun violence. I guess it would be only natural that someone may ask me today what my position was on the topic. I thought on it before I replied and I don't feel Mike died by gun violence. If anyone should be able to own weapons it should be a highly trained veteran with 20 years of experience and respect for the weapon. His job afterall, as he would constantly tell me was that of a Rifleman. "A Marines first job is a rifleman..."

He had up until the point he died never been irresponsible with a weapon. He'd never joked around with it. He had never threatened me or the kids with it prior. It had never come out of the garage in its locked case until that night.  I can't really speak on gun violence only to say that what happened to him wasn't that. He shot expert. Every year he requalified. He knew his weapon top to bottom. He could assemble and disassemble it. He told the kids never to touch it. He locked it away safely.

ALTHOUGH VERY ILL, MIKE KNEW EXACTLY WHAT WOULD HAPPEN WITH THAT RIFLE. HE KNEW WHAT THAT TYPE OF BULLET COULD DO AND EVEN SHOT IN A DIRECTION THAT WOULD NOT HARM US. IN THAT RESPECT HE WAS NOT A VICTIM OF GUN VIOLENCE.

Gun violence to me is a child being hit by a stray bullet during a drive by. Or a child dying because they have irresponsible parents who didn't properly secure a weapon in their home. This to me is the ultimate for of gun violence.

I guess my response is even a little confusing to me. I still believe in the constitutional right to own weapons. My views on this are wholly separate than my advocacy for veterans with ptsd.

We cannot strip veterans of owning weapons based on my experience, that would be wrong. I don't have an answer on how we stop people as sick as my husband from dying. Had he not used a gun, he'd have found another way. I don't blame the gun. I don't blame my father in law for buying it. I don't blame the constitution or gun violence. What happened to him didn't happen over night and a gun just made his fate quicker.  I don't think we could have stopped it regardless.

A car and a gun are both weapons. Both can be used responsibly and irresponsibly. Both are just a hunk of metal until someone operates them. The gun and car cannot be at fault. They are just objects. The person using them decided how they will be used. It's only the person who can hold any responsibility in outcome.

Banning guns is as realistic as banning cars to prevent deaths. 

After Mike died I began having an incredible and irrational fear of guns. It was part of my PTSD. Just seeing a gun got my heart rate up, I would begin to hyperventilate. Especially the way service members extended their finger above the trigger. Even in movies I would look straight to their hands. We decided exposure therapy would be best. I sat next to a gun. I finally got the courage to hold one. Guess what? Nothing happened. No one died.  My fears began to lessen. I still am reminded of his death when I see one, but I'm no longer scared. I guess that's a start.

I know where the fear stems from. I know why. It didn't stop the fear from continuing to develop. With all that being said I have always felt my fear is/was my own. I have never wanted to ban them because of it. 

I guess that's where I stand. #WEARING ORANGE isn't my issue. It's not my fight.  Of course all parents want their kids safe but don't confuse Mikes death with this particular gun violence issue.

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