SAD BUT TRUE

After Mike died many people began writing to me about their own PTSD. Some of the time I was the only person they could open up to and say "I think I have PTSD." It can be incredibly difficult just acknowledging it. Even harder to share it. I guess since vets and their families saw that my husband suffered in denial and eventually took his own life, it opened their eyes. It made them realize that it's far more serious than first given credit.

Here's what I know on it: I have NEVER met a person who ignored it until it no longer exists. It ALWAYS progresses when untreated. It can and WILL kill you if you suffer silently. You may not complete suicide, but those who are in denial are more likely to self medicate with alcohol and other substance. It will put a huge strain on your marriage, your relationship with your children, your friends family and Co workers. Everyone suffers right there with you. You will self destruct. The longer you let it fester and the harder it is to regain control. It could cause a domino effect in your life, your family will leave, you could get fired and end up homeless like so many others.

Service members specifically are so proud. So strong. They have a misguided idea that not being able to contol it alone is a sign of weakness. They fear loss of job and public ridicule. Not getting help will kill you. I know it seems like you've given your soul to the country but the military service only lasts so long. When you retire it will still be there and could have progressed to paranoia, delusion, insomnia,  so many negative outcomes. Is that REALLY what you worked so hard  20 years  for?

My husband served 20 years. He killed himself 135 days after retiring from the Marines...in front of me. All our hopes and dreams died that night.

That is just one possible outcome.

One of the vets who recently retired admitted to me that he felt he may be experiencing symptoms of PTSD. I urged him to make an app with the VA doc about it. Eventually he did. He went into the appointment hopeful that he'd finally regain some control in life. He explained his symptoms and that he was going through a divorce. THE DOCTOR LITERALLY CUT HIM OFF AND SAID THE DIVORCE WAS CAUSING HIS SYMPTOMS. He knew he'd had the symptoms way before the divorce. The divorce was more of a biproduct of his condition. Not the real source.

He stormed out of that office and called me in tears. He said it was a waste of time and he felt humiliated and unheard. He told me what she said and I knew right away he HAD to reschedule with a different doctor. She had made up her mind before she'd even heard the entire story. That's just crappy care.

I finally convinced him to see someone else and he did. Only this time not hopeful, not looking for help. Mostly just so I'd get off his back about it.

This time was different. The doctor understood him, empathized, validated his feelings. HE WAS DIAGNOSED PROPERLY THAT DAY.

Since then he has received cognitive and medical therapy. His outlook on life has improved. He recently told me he's never been so happy in his life.

If he would have taken the first doctors word he'd continue to suffer, become distrustful of medical personnel. He confessed to me that had I not encouraged him to follow through and get the help he deserves, he would have also taken his life.

You MUST be your own advocate in your medical care. If one doctor gives an opinion you question, you get a second opinion. Not everyone with some symptoms have PTSD. It could be other conditions but seeing a doctor who gives a shit will help you with whatever it is you are dealing with.

Your life can be enjoyable again.

Off the top top of my head I can recall two recently retired Marines saying their initial consultation with a doctor was a deflating, discouraging, clusterfuck. It's a shame. An experience like that could completely derail someone from trying ever again. I can't personally encourage every one to keep fighting for yourself and your family. Doctors sometimes get it wrong.  This blog of my experiences and those shared by others is my only way to reach every single person looking for help.

You are not a victim, but a survivor. Don't suffer with PTSD, learn tools to manage it.

You might be saying "what does she know?!" Well...a month after my husband died I too was diagnosed with PTSD. I own it. I began treatment immediately. I have three kids who now only have me. I must work on myself everyday to make improvements. My kids are worth more than my fears, my panic attacks, my nightmares and my flashbacks. They need me, I need them.

If you're not ready to step into that doctors office, you can start by researching online peer support groups. Be anonymous. Research coping methods, research how the traumatic event changed your brain chemistry. The more you learn about it, the less shame you'll feel. You will learn it's not weakness. It's a natural reaction to an unnatural situation.  There is no blame or shame...only healing.

Just don't stop fighting. FIGHT FOR YOU, YOUR FAMILY, THE 22 VETS A DAY WHO DIE BY SUICIDE, YOUR FRIENDS AND FELLOW VETS WHO ARE JUST STARTING THEIR JOURNEY.