Single Parenting Is Tricky

Once upon a time I had a social life. I wore makeup and cute shoes. I met my friends for coffee and dinners. Times have changed. I have changed. Everything has changed.

When Mike was alive I could leave the house alone. I could stay gone for hours. Wandering through Walmart or the Fabric Store. I never clock watched. I was a stay at home mom so the moments I got out alone I really enjoyed them. I liked smoking in the car. Its stupid but yes, its something I really looked forward to. Just being in the car alone. No kids arguing, no one saying they are hungry or have to pee or dropped their crayons on the floor....silence.

Now, I have the kids 24/7. Especially since school is out for the summer. I spend my days at the park and the pool, breaking up fights, feeding them nonstop and picking up after them. I really envy people who can go out whenever they want for as long as they want. Those days are long gone. If I do have a sitter I cannot relax and feel like I am putting others out by burdening them with my kids. They aren't bad kids by any means but they are my responsibility....

Solely my responsibility....

Its overwhelming sometimes. The job is mine alone. Its my responsibility emotionally, physically, financially. I try not to think about it because it scares the crap out of me. Its a lot pressure. Its a lot of stress. I know other moms do it, and many before us so I keep trying but MAN I would like some alone time. Not that I can even afford to do anything but I would love to just spend time roaming around the fabric store again. Thats so lame but anything would be nice. I am exhausted. Feeling sorry for myself, I guess.

I would love to win the lottery. Yeah, that would be amazing but I would settle for a solo trip to Wal Mart. I could smoke in the car and sing really loud with no one telling me how much my voice sucks. I can dream...

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