One Regret

As we near the second anniversary of Mikes death I can think of only one regret. That is my kids will never know his side of the family. One day they will ask why we never hear from or see them and I dread that day. I am always as honest as I can be with them. I will have to tell them the truth. That truth is ugly. They accused me of letting him die under my watch and accused me of actually murdering him myself. The told me they wanted nothing to do with me. Unfortunately, they see our kids as an extension of me. Not as individuals who are deserving of their love and attention. 

I past any anger I have for them and only feel a sense of sadness. For my kids. They lost their dad and his entire side of his family. His brother and I were always close as kids. Even before I met Mike. I haven't heard from him since the funeral. His sister told me she wants me to burn in hell and that I am evil. His parents send cards on holidays but have no contact with them outside of that. I really feel they card sending is to feed their guilt not because they care to know them. I would take a good five minute phone conversation between them over a $50.00 money order. 

It's not fair their dad died and all connection to his history died with him. It breaks my heart everyday that they can't separate their feeling for me and their love for my babies. The distance apart we live matters none. Even when we lived five minutes away they still didn't bother to come visit them.

I understand everyone grieves differently but I am a mom who puts her kids health and well being first. I think it was his mom who said it was unbearable to be around them. It just made her too sad. To that I say...guess how hard it is on them? It's not always what's most convenient for you but more often what's best for your kids. 

I feel like they were robbed twice in one day. I've tried so many times since his death to reach out to them. They never answer their phone, text or messages on Facebook. His sister literally has me blocked. Because he brother killed himself and I didn't try to wrestle a rifle from his hands. 

Luckily I have family, and friends around for them. A lot of Mikes former Marine pals have stayed in contact and they can share stories of him. Can tell them what he was like. 

Mike and his family didn't have a close relationship before he died. Long before. He hadn't seen his sister in 20 years. We met with her shortly before his death. The kids got to at least meet her. He and his brother were never close at all but the Fourth of July before his death, they really bonded. They had that time. I just sat back and watched. The laughed and chased after kids. I hope Jimmy can hold on tight to that memory. For just one day, it was like they weren't just brothers...they were friends.

I guess the past that really hurts the most is that his moms first husband died by suicide in their home. If anyone knew how I felt it was her. She could have been my best source of support. Someone who had been there and knew exactly how I felt. His sister was Kiras age when her dad died. She could have been an awesome mentor to her during HER grief. 

I don't know if they will ever have any kind of relationship with the Blum side. Maybe when they are adults? His parents are pretty old. I hope it's not too late when they decide to open their hearts to their grandchildren.

It's something I truly regret.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

False Domestic Violence Allegations and Personality Disorders

Domestic violence is a major issue in our society today, laws have been made to protect those suffering from abuse in the home. It took many years for such laws to be enacted. At one time it was perfectly acceptable for a man to hit, berate and sexually assault his wife. It was considered a valid exercise of authority from husband to wife. We have come a long way. The authorities now recognize this as what it is, abuse.  Because new laws exist women can live freely without fear of violence. Many women are alive today because the court's protection. With that being said, it is also now being used as a tool by women to exercise power over men in their lives. It's a sad and disgusting result of the very laws to protect us. False allegations of domestic violence are at the very least an insult to women who are abused. It makes efforts to secure protection even harder for women who actually need it.  If you are going through a divorce or custody issue and file false charges to gain
Read more

Service Member Suicide

It was recently announced that we have lost more service members this year to suicide than in combat. The statement is shocking, considering we are occupying Afghanistan and other war torn areas of the world and everyday another name is added to the list. People don't want to talk about the suicides. Its as if its a shameful secret swept under the rug. According to the Army soldier suicide is up 80%. EIGHTY PERCENT. We are doing something wrong. It seems that those who truly need help are afraid to talk and those who don't want to quickly blame PTSD for any shortcoming they have in life after war. On the news, if someone robs a bank the first thing they report is he was a combat veteran in one of the branches of the US Military. They skirt around PTSD as a motive. PTSD is real and its not an excuse to toss around lightly. I know why our service members don't reach out. I have been personally effected by it and now since my husband is weeks from retirement and 20 years of
Read more

The Gentle Giant

Image
There are three men in my life that since childhood I have trusted explicitly. Jaime Valenzuela, Sean McGee, and Kenny Loveless. They have loved and protected me for 25 years and have always been there for me in thick and thin. The relationship was special with those three and even to this day I know for a fact that if I called them and told them I needed help their first reply would be "who's ass needs kicking?" It would NOT matter who, or if I were right or wrong they had my back. Today we lost one of those guys and in a way the world feels a bit less safe. We learned that Kenny passed away. He will be sorely missed by so many. We grew up together in a small farming community in Missouri, in the same neighborhood just one street away. There was a group of neighborhood kids who were together daily usually mobbed up in one or the other's front yard. We were as thick as thieves. For the most part even though half of us moved far away and we all grew up to have lives
Read more