Dear Service Members

As most of you may already know, my husband took his life just 135 after retiring from the Marines. I am not a vet myself, only the widow of one and I hope you'll still consider what I am about to say regardless. I have spent the past two years assisting Service Members, vets, and their families at risk for suicide. Those struggling with PTSD.

After all my experience in this time there are a few things I've learned to be true. If you do nothing else but read this and store it somewhere in the back of your mind I will be satisfied. You may laugh it off now, roll your eyes or think I couldn't possibly know because I'm not a veteran. That is all fine. Just keep reading.

There is an excitement and anticipation when nearing the end of your career with the military. You think of all the things you want to do, places to go, people to see. Sometimes these things are stuff you haven't done since you first enlisted as a teenager.  You need to remember you aren't the same person you were the last time you were there. You've lived a lifetime and experienced things most could never imagine.

The transition period from active duty to the "real world" can can be the hardest thing you have ever done. Harder than Iraq, Afghanistan any training you've completed. There is no training for the jump from active duty to regular Joe.

When you're active duty you are constantly mission oriented. Constantly moving and training, preparing and deploying. You push your feelings back, no time, inspection is coming, predeployment work ups etc. There is no time to process all you've been through in 20 years.

At first retirement or separation is awesome. You don't shave, stop wearing a belt and sleep until noon. Life is fun. Especially if you have terminal leave and are getting paid to celebrate.

It's after the initial excitement wears off that you realize the enormity of what you've been through. For some, they look back and smile about the good times but others begin to process the trauma for the very first time. You've got no mission to distract you. The world has changed, you have changed. No one is telling you where to be and what to do. As much as you longed to be away from it....you have no idea what to do with yourself.

While you had seniority perhaps in the service, but now you notice you're just like everyone else. If you decide to attend school you are treated the same as the 18 year old kid who have parents paying their way, so naive and immature. They just think you're old. No respect you're used to having.

The same with going back into the work force.

It's going to be weird no matter what.

But it's in this overwhelming period when I have noticed many many vets begin to realize they aren't as well adjusted as they presumed. Pay attention to what your mind and body are saying. If your spouse mentions they are worried about you, don't ignore it. If you feel like you're beginning to struggle ask for help. It's the strongest and sexiest decision you will ever make. It can also be a life or death decision.

You may think you couldn't possibly have PTSD, you may be embarrassed even. Or deny it because you're a United States Marines (soldier, airman etc). Don't brush off the possibility. If you're having trouble sleeping, begin drinking to feel comfortable, realize you're not managing your anger or focusing get help.

The longer you struggle alone the harder it is to get your life back. The one you've looked forward to for so long. Talk to your peers, talk to your wife. Mention your feeling at your VA appointment. You've fought for the country now you need to fight for yourself and your family.

My husband denied it, he blamed everyone and everything for his condition. He finally got so out of control he actually thought dying would be better for me a d the kids. He killed himself on a Sunday night. The last thing he told me was he wanted me and the kids to have a beautiful life.

I wish I had told him that he made our life beautiful. I wish he would have known suicide shattered our family. There was nothing beautiful in that.

I hope you've read this. I hope it's something you remember when your transition comes. I want you all to live out those dreams for retirement. Mike wanted to own a custom auto shop. He wanted to rebuild his vintage mustang with our sons. We were going to get an RV and travel the country. We all have hopes and plans. Live yours. It's possible if you get help. Find me. I will give you all the resources to set you in the right direction.

Congrats on your new move. You've got the world by the balls. The choices are all yours. Enjoy it. We never had our chance. Remember Mike.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

False Domestic Violence Allegations and Personality Disorders

Domestic violence is a major issue in our society today, laws have been made to protect those suffering from abuse in the home. It took many years for such laws to be enacted. At one time it was perfectly acceptable for a man to hit, berate and sexually assault his wife. It was considered a valid exercise of authority from husband to wife. We have come a long way. The authorities now recognize this as what it is, abuse.  Because new laws exist women can live freely without fear of violence. Many women are alive today because the court's protection. With that being said, it is also now being used as a tool by women to exercise power over men in their lives. It's a sad and disgusting result of the very laws to protect us. False allegations of domestic violence are at the very least an insult to women who are abused. It makes efforts to secure protection even harder for women who actually need it.  If you are going through a divorce or custody issue and file false charges to gain
Read more

Service Member Suicide

It was recently announced that we have lost more service members this year to suicide than in combat. The statement is shocking, considering we are occupying Afghanistan and other war torn areas of the world and everyday another name is added to the list. People don't want to talk about the suicides. Its as if its a shameful secret swept under the rug. According to the Army soldier suicide is up 80%. EIGHTY PERCENT. We are doing something wrong. It seems that those who truly need help are afraid to talk and those who don't want to quickly blame PTSD for any shortcoming they have in life after war. On the news, if someone robs a bank the first thing they report is he was a combat veteran in one of the branches of the US Military. They skirt around PTSD as a motive. PTSD is real and its not an excuse to toss around lightly. I know why our service members don't reach out. I have been personally effected by it and now since my husband is weeks from retirement and 20 years of
Read more

The Gentle Giant

Image
There are three men in my life that since childhood I have trusted explicitly. Jaime Valenzuela, Sean McGee, and Kenny Loveless. They have loved and protected me for 25 years and have always been there for me in thick and thin. The relationship was special with those three and even to this day I know for a fact that if I called them and told them I needed help their first reply would be "who's ass needs kicking?" It would NOT matter who, or if I were right or wrong they had my back. Today we lost one of those guys and in a way the world feels a bit less safe. We learned that Kenny passed away. He will be sorely missed by so many. We grew up together in a small farming community in Missouri, in the same neighborhood just one street away. There was a group of neighborhood kids who were together daily usually mobbed up in one or the other's front yard. We were as thick as thieves. For the most part even though half of us moved far away and we all grew up to have lives
Read more