Terrifying Recurring Dream

Several times now I've had this terrible dream. I think I know what it means, what my mind is trying to tell me but still it comes. My dreams are usually pretty weird so try to follow if you can...

We were on a yacht. Not sure who's yacht but I felt as if I'd been on it before as I could navigate easily around the interior. I've never even been on a yacht so I have no clue what one even looks like. We decided to take the jet skis out. There was this sort of garage door type berth on the rear of the boat. Large enough to pull in and out of with the sea doos. We were out having a blast when I noticed another boat and a shadowy figure throw something overboard and sped off in a rush. From a distance it looked to be a bag of trash. I decided to cruise over and pick it up to toss but as I got closer I realized it wasn't garbage it was a child...beaten badly and in plastic. I panicked. I pulled him up onto my craft and sped to the yacht garage where I gently unwrapped him and assessed the damage. My family and friends followed. I asked my girlfriend to take the kids up and away from the scene. 

He was bad. My friends husband stayed with me and we debated what we should do. We could not move him. There was no way we could get him up the latter to the interior of the ship. I knew in order to take off the "garage door" would have to be closed and water would begin to fill the area and drowning was a sure result. The child weak and worn looked up at me and I felt this abandonment, fear, confusion in his eyes. I would not leave this child to die alone. I insisted my friend close the door and get up the ladder. He argued with me. I didn't budge. 

Finally he complied and shut the metal door with a loud crash. I sat there stroking this child's head. Comforting him, softly whispering he wasn't alone. I could feel the water touch my ankle, then my knees, my waist...I stayed completely calm. I was not afraid. Eventually the water rushed in my face and everything got dark. I thought I've died and that's okay. Next I was standing in front of my kids. Kissing their faces and and telling them how much I loved them. Slowly they got further and further away until I could no longer see them. 

Then I wake up. 

At no time am I terrified while in this dream. Drowning is one of my greatest fears. And I picked dying for a child I had never met over living with my own children. It's realizing what the dream entailed while awake that terrifies me. 

I don't remember what the child looked like, I don't remember what the boat he was dropped from was, only that it had writing on the rear end of it and it was very fast. I don't remember a moments hesitation on staying with that scared child in his final moments. I don't know why I didn't just keep him on my craft and call 911 instead of dying with him. I don't know anyone with a yacht. 


It's just an all around messed up dream.

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