Remembering who he was.

Mikes sister sent Kira a letter last week with a DVD inside. It was a memorial slideshow. I watched it with her. It had a big impact on me. The photos were of him and his family from birth until he graduated bootcamp. That was 20 years ago. The pictures just stop at age 19. It made me realize that his family didn't know him. It made me feel sorry for them. They weren't estranged in that time, they just made a choice to not communicate.

It at first infuriated me. All of the harsh words and allegations they made of me and they didn't bother to get to know him as a man. I did. I stuck by him through the good and bad times. I finally made peace with it. It all made sense. They were projecting their own guilt on to me. They were so shocked and denied he could or would take his own life...it's because they really didn't know him at all.

I've decided to list what I know about him. Even the little quirky details. Should I ever start to forget, or if the kids ask who he was I can just look back here. Maybe his parents and siblings might like to know him. Here is my list:

He loved Metallica. Specifically the Black album. But surprisingly his collection of music was really broad. He listened to about everything. He had the song Barbie Girl downloaded in 6 different languages. When we worked in the garage we always had it on the Oldies station on Pandora. Always.

He loved Dr. Pepper. He drank it straight from the 2 liter. And Oreos. He hid them high in the pantry so he didn't have to  share with the kids.

He said the word "milk" funny. Now my son says it the same way. The only two people who I have ever heard pronounce it that way.

If you asked him what his favorite movie was he would say Full Metal Jacket but secretly it was Princess Bride and Lion King. It always made me laugh hysterically to hear him sing "I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts..."

He hid his dirty socks in the crack/cushions of my couch. It...drove...me...crazy. he said it was because he only wore the a few minutes and they weren't technically dirty. He could wear the again.

He once drove nonstop from San Diego to St Louis to see me. 36 Hours drive total.

He hoarded clothing. There were some shirts in our closet that he had from high school. I had to wait til he was at work to pitch them.

He was obsessed with luggage. BACKPACKS DUFFLE BAGS  CARRYONS.  He couldn't help it. He was drawn to them.

His birthday/homecoming meal was always the same. Lasagna, bread, Caesar salad and chocolate cake with chocolate.

He could literally build or dismantle anything. He was great with his hands. He made beautiful furniture. Woodworking seemed to be a favorite.

He was very very tall. He made me feel petite. I'm not a tiny girl.

He built and collected model cars. All vintage muscle. He mixed colors and made the custom. Down to the fine detail.

He picked Mason's name. He's names after a Steven Segal character...Mason Storm.

He was never sick. In 20 years he had one stomach flu. He had an amazing immune system.

When he was a boy he wanted to be a pilot.

He never laughed harder than watching the comedian with the dummies. Jeff Dunham . He laughed until he cried.

He was hit by a truck when he was a young Marine. He flew off the hood and walked away without a scratch.

His nickname at work was "Big Evil".

He was part of a driving club called Club HASHIRIYA. He told me that meant chopsticks in Japanese. I'm not sure what that has to do with fast cars but it's a fact. Lol

In 20 years we never once slow danced. He said he was a terrible dancer but Jack Daniels makes him forget.

He was in a really bad bike accident as a kid. Doctors told him he wouldn't have children. He and his first wife tried for 6 years, Mas and Kira were both a complete shock.  Miracle babies. He told me when we first got married his biggest regret was not having children of his own. Surprise! He got his wish.

He wanted to become a master mechanic and own his custom autoshop. He was in college for that when he died.

I can go on for days. But I will leave it there for tonight. I will add more later.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

False Domestic Violence Allegations and Personality Disorders

Domestic violence is a major issue in our society today, laws have been made to protect those suffering from abuse in the home. It took many years for such laws to be enacted. At one time it was perfectly acceptable for a man to hit, berate and sexually assault his wife. It was considered a valid exercise of authority from husband to wife. We have come a long way. The authorities now recognize this as what it is, abuse.  Because new laws exist women can live freely without fear of violence. Many women are alive today because the court's protection. With that being said, it is also now being used as a tool by women to exercise power over men in their lives. It's a sad and disgusting result of the very laws to protect us. False allegations of domestic violence are at the very least an insult to women who are abused. It makes efforts to secure protection even harder for women who actually need it.  If you are going through a divorce or custody issue and file false charges to gain
Read more

Service Member Suicide

It was recently announced that we have lost more service members this year to suicide than in combat. The statement is shocking, considering we are occupying Afghanistan and other war torn areas of the world and everyday another name is added to the list. People don't want to talk about the suicides. Its as if its a shameful secret swept under the rug. According to the Army soldier suicide is up 80%. EIGHTY PERCENT. We are doing something wrong. It seems that those who truly need help are afraid to talk and those who don't want to quickly blame PTSD for any shortcoming they have in life after war. On the news, if someone robs a bank the first thing they report is he was a combat veteran in one of the branches of the US Military. They skirt around PTSD as a motive. PTSD is real and its not an excuse to toss around lightly. I know why our service members don't reach out. I have been personally effected by it and now since my husband is weeks from retirement and 20 years of
Read more

The Gentle Giant

Image
There are three men in my life that since childhood I have trusted explicitly. Jaime Valenzuela, Sean McGee, and Kenny Loveless. They have loved and protected me for 25 years and have always been there for me in thick and thin. The relationship was special with those three and even to this day I know for a fact that if I called them and told them I needed help their first reply would be "who's ass needs kicking?" It would NOT matter who, or if I were right or wrong they had my back. Today we lost one of those guys and in a way the world feels a bit less safe. We learned that Kenny passed away. He will be sorely missed by so many. We grew up together in a small farming community in Missouri, in the same neighborhood just one street away. There was a group of neighborhood kids who were together daily usually mobbed up in one or the other's front yard. We were as thick as thieves. For the most part even though half of us moved far away and we all grew up to have lives
Read more