Zombie Preparedness--Yes, I have a plan.
I keep up to date on my Zombie Apocalypse news. I am prepared for anything but when Z-Day happens...trust me, I'm prepared.
Zombies don't evolve. Well, only in the respect that they were dead and now undead. That's the extent of evolution. If zombisim is a result of a virus this can be the only answer. Have you ever heard of a virus making you feel BETTER or healthier? No. Its degenerative. If it were a super zombie virus it will not make them smarter faster harder to kill. The opposite. They will starve off quicker. Degenerate faster.
In my mind Zombies have a shorter life cycle than a fly. And really that's all the matters. Who can disprove it? There aren't any studies on it. My word is as good as any. They are slow moving, brain eating idiots who won't get far unless you have an insane willingness to just end it all.
I read a theory tonight on a website that gave "zombie hot spots" as major airports. FAIL. Zombies aren't terrorists. They cant hijack a plane. They cant take a quick flight lesson or read "Flying for Dummies" Once you are a zombie you become primal in the hunt for food. A slow animal who is really...really stupid. Survival of the fittest plays here. The dead aren't fit so they aren't surviving. This website also says Idaho is safe. I think zombies should take Idaho first for the suggestion. Its a useless state any how.
I am assuming that people got the theory that zombies cant survive in Alaska or cold climates from TV. I also disagree with this statement. Cold temps keep the dead alive longer. Survival is higher although the lower population will cause an issue. Just like people they will die off without a food source. Take your chances. Don't run to the North Pole thinking you'll be safe. Its cold and you're probably going to die because you too, are stupid.
Zombies can't walk on water. They aren't Jesus. Dead men float. But, sharks don't care if you are alive or dead. They are still going to eat your ass. And since sharks are basically immune to every single disease imaginable no problem there. Zombies cant bite a shark and turn them into zombie sharks. That's just nonsensical. I read on one site that zombies will just trudge along the ocean floor to its destination. Negative. The pressure at some depths will cause its head to explode and the threat is gone. Bye Zombie. But since they are stupid as i mentioned above, it wont stop the next idiot zombie from giving it a go.
I also saw that zombies like sand. No they don't. They have a hard enough time just walking. Sand is a zombies fly trap. Have you seen the living try to walk in sand? If a toddler or an old man has a hard time so will a zombie.
Knowing all of this, I still plan to pretend they are super humans trained by the likes of Chuck Norris Bruce Lee and the entire cast of the Twilight movies.
Since we live on a Military base it should buy us some time. My immediate plan is to head over to the air station, hop on a 46, fly straight into Kennedy Space Center. Fire up the best space shuttle they have and get the hell off this planet. I will take my husband and kids. Husband shoots expert and can be my back up. We can sit in our rocket eating freeze dried ice cream laughing at your stupid asses from space. I give the Apocalypse a month.
Zombies don't evolve. Well, only in the respect that they were dead and now undead. That's the extent of evolution. If zombisim is a result of a virus this can be the only answer. Have you ever heard of a virus making you feel BETTER or healthier? No. Its degenerative. If it were a super zombie virus it will not make them smarter faster harder to kill. The opposite. They will starve off quicker. Degenerate faster.
In my mind Zombies have a shorter life cycle than a fly. And really that's all the matters. Who can disprove it? There aren't any studies on it. My word is as good as any. They are slow moving, brain eating idiots who won't get far unless you have an insane willingness to just end it all.
I read a theory tonight on a website that gave "zombie hot spots" as major airports. FAIL. Zombies aren't terrorists. They cant hijack a plane. They cant take a quick flight lesson or read "Flying for Dummies" Once you are a zombie you become primal in the hunt for food. A slow animal who is really...really stupid. Survival of the fittest plays here. The dead aren't fit so they aren't surviving. This website also says Idaho is safe. I think zombies should take Idaho first for the suggestion. Its a useless state any how.
I am assuming that people got the theory that zombies cant survive in Alaska or cold climates from TV. I also disagree with this statement. Cold temps keep the dead alive longer. Survival is higher although the lower population will cause an issue. Just like people they will die off without a food source. Take your chances. Don't run to the North Pole thinking you'll be safe. Its cold and you're probably going to die because you too, are stupid.
Zombies can't walk on water. They aren't Jesus. Dead men float. But, sharks don't care if you are alive or dead. They are still going to eat your ass. And since sharks are basically immune to every single disease imaginable no problem there. Zombies cant bite a shark and turn them into zombie sharks. That's just nonsensical. I read on one site that zombies will just trudge along the ocean floor to its destination. Negative. The pressure at some depths will cause its head to explode and the threat is gone. Bye Zombie. But since they are stupid as i mentioned above, it wont stop the next idiot zombie from giving it a go.
I also saw that zombies like sand. No they don't. They have a hard enough time just walking. Sand is a zombies fly trap. Have you seen the living try to walk in sand? If a toddler or an old man has a hard time so will a zombie.
Knowing all of this, I still plan to pretend they are super humans trained by the likes of Chuck Norris Bruce Lee and the entire cast of the Twilight movies.
Since we live on a Military base it should buy us some time. My immediate plan is to head over to the air station, hop on a 46, fly straight into Kennedy Space Center. Fire up the best space shuttle they have and get the hell off this planet. I will take my husband and kids. Husband shoots expert and can be my back up. We can sit in our rocket eating freeze dried ice cream laughing at your stupid asses from space. I give the Apocalypse a month.
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