Intro For New Mentees

This is my "introduction" for new Mentees and maybe just for those of you just beginning to read my blog.

There's nothing really unique about me or my story. I'm just an average 37 year old mom of three in most aspects. I guess the only difference is that I became a widow at age 34. That is a very young age to lose your spouse.

My husband and I grew up in the same subdivision in a small town outside of St. Louis, Missouri. Our brothers were both named Jimmy/Jimmie and the same age. They were friends first.

I met my husband Mike when I was a freshman in high school. He had just graduated and enlisted in the Marines. So I guess you could say I'd known him pretty much my whole life. We were in each others lives in some way or the other for 20 years when he died. We were married for 11 of them. Friends first, partners for life.

We got married in Vegas. In a Drive Thru. We were married in January of 2003. Two weeks before the war was officially declared in Iraq. He was deployed for the first seven months of our marriage. It was a very emotional period.

We spent most of our time married stationed in Southern California with the exception of three years spent in Chicago on Recruiting Duty. Our two youngest children were born while on this special duty. That was from 2004-2007. It was also during that period that I began to notice major behavior changes in him. He also spoke of his suicidal thoughts. I knew something was wrong.

After Recruiting we were again stationed in Southern California for the remainder of his career. His mental health still declining and the tension in our family grew too. In the spring of 2013 he completed his 20 years of service with the Marines and we moved back to our hometown to begin the next chapter of our lives. It was a very exciting time for our family. We really thought this was our chance. This was going to make everything better.

One hundred and thirty five days after he retired; on September 15 at 11:17 PM that lone gunshot rang out. He was in our garage and I was just on the other side of the door pleading with him to put the gun down. I told him I could not let him back in the house where our children slept just feet away until he put the gun down. He tried to jiggle the handle several times before firing. I feared for all of us that night.

It's been almost exactly three years since his death. I now live back in San Diego County with my children and dedicate my life  to raising my chidren, to advocacy, awareness, prevention, and as a mentor with TAPS. I write for several vet organizations. I personally helped pass the Clay Hunt Act this past year and was invited to sit in to watch the Senate vote on it and then the White House to witness President Obama sign it in.

When my husband died veteran suicide was relatively unknown. It was not reported on or shared. There was a shame in the mere mention of vets taking their lives. I've spent this past three years helping to dispell the myths about it. There is no shame in veteran suicide...aside from what a shame it is so many occur daily and little has been done to address it up until this point. Veterans who commit suicide are not weak, it's the system who is weak and ultimately fail THEM in most cases.

I blame no one for my husband's suicide after its all said and done. Many things contributed to his illness. Not just serving in the war. Not just being a Marine. Like so many he stood in the eye of a "perfect storm". As strong as he was...the illness was stronger.

I want more than anything to see the "22 a day" statistic drop. I will do what I can to reach out to prevent even one life lost and I will be here when the tragedy should occur and new widows need support.  It's a bittersweet honor to be a Peer Mentor. I'm so glad to be able to help but I know I'm helping because yet another veteran died by suicide. I'd be happy to no longer have "job security". If no vets die by suicide then my work would become unnecessary. No demand. But that isn't happening for now.

That is pretty much the difference between myself and any other average mom you'd meet.  I love to sew and make costumes in my free time. I've recently developed a Pokémon Go affinity and I also like to embarrass my 10, 12 and 17 year old children in public as often as possible. We have two dogs a Mastiff and a Pit/Mastiff mix; Zeus and Riley. I like to make up my own words to songs and sing loudly in the car. I am obsessed with ancestry and history. I love the show Vikings on the History Channel...

Oh gosh...I'm a total GEEK!

Meh, what can you do? 

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