The most difficult two years of my life

It was very emotional exhausting having Mikes death rated service connected but there was so much more going on since the moment Mike died. EVERYTHING THAT COULD GO WRONG DID. The VA didn't know of course, that's not their job. They can't take my hardships into consideration. They have a process and although I think it needs major improvement, I guess they did their job. I owe great thanks to my VA Rep Bob. He cared. That's so rare.

Let's go over the unbelievable things that occurred in the wake of Mikes death:

He did it in our home, with my children, my nephew, sister, brother in law and myself present.

The coroner's office released my husband's body to the wrong funeral home. Apparently they do have to show paperwork or anything. Someone shows up and they just release them to whomever. His body was lost for about 12 hours. When the proper funeral home was in custody of his body the wrong funeral home TRIED TO CHARGE ME FOR ILLEGALLY TRANSPORTING HIS BODY. I didn't even have money for his cremation so I certainly want going to pay for their mistake. I cried twice as hard not knowing where he was in that time. They are lucky I didn't sue them. But I was so overwhelmed that it was the last thing on my mind.

We had to have a company come in to finish cleaning his brain matter off everything in the garage. Because we had no money our neighbors friend who owned a cleaning company offered to trade services for tools belonging to my husband in the amount they would have charged. I was grateful because i did NOT want my kids to see or know what happened. At that time I could not bring myself to go into the garage but when I did I realized they stole every bit of his tools and things that weren't even tools. MIKE made a beautiful casket prop to jump out of on Halloween to startle trick or treaters. The man said it was a biohzard and had to be removed and destroyed.  I was heartbroken because that thing was a tradition in our family and Mike loved it so much. Tearfully I said ok.

We found out after Halloween he didn't destroy it. It was actually displayed in his own front yard. He kept it.

The local police called me some time after his death to ask what I wanted done with the gun he used that night. I told them I wanted it destroyed. Instead an officer took it home for their collection. It still bothers me that the gun is out there somewhere.

Shortly later I was admitted to a psych. facilities. I was positive I'd lost my mind. I was only there 6 hours. The doctor said I was not mentally ill, grieving instead and also diagnosed with PTSD.

I found out that Mike did not qualify for life insurance. He died 15 days past the cut off. He never signed up to extend it. Because someone who is capable of killing them self in front of their family makes great choices and is totally responsible. I knew at that moment we were screwed.

I was fired from my job. My boss told me my newly developed post traumatic stress was not conducive to the high stress and demand of my position.  We were beyond screwed...

My landlord was very supportive at first. He said if I needed to move he would not blame me or hold me to the remainder of the lease. I told him I could not afford to move. I had to save money somehow. When I finally saved up we moved. For nearly 9 months we had to live in the house where Mike died. It was so difficult. After we moved my landlord tried to sue me for breach of contract.

A non profit volunteered to adopt our family for Christmas but only if I'd take my kids out of school so they could video tape them. I explained they just got back into a routine and it was vital to their recovery to keep it. I asked if they could schedule another time, no. I told them I wasn't going to exploit my kids and their pain to raise money for them. Their lives are more important than free gifts. I was warned early on that some non profits may try to do this but it still hurt.

My in laws accused me of killing my husband. The rumor spread like wildlife. The fact that my own family could think or say this is as painful as losing him.

My sister in law started a memorial fund 300 miles away illegally. I only found out because she sent my kids a check my my husband's name on it. When I asked about it, told her it was illegal she said she did it to send them birthday and Christmas gifts in the future. I told her through tears that's not what a memorial fund is for. She threw a fit and said she would close it and send the money to their mom. She wasn't the one trying to raise his kids, that infuriated me. I don't know how much money was raised or where it went. Aunts don't have to rise money to send birthday gifts. My husband has one seen her once in twenty years. It was a betrayal. I learned her best friend was the manager of that bank and opened the account without his death certificate or my permission. This is illegal. I took no action. I was just trying to keep my head above water.

I applied to have my husband's post 911 benefits transferred  so I could get an education and try to make a life for us. It was denied by the VA. The reason: he wasn't alive to sign for it. He clearly want going to use them dead. Another blow.

During all this pain and chaos I  applied for DIC. The VA needed his medical record to process the claim. Apparently the VA lost his complete medical record. Not one document stating he saw a doctor for any reason ever in his 20 years of service. The only other complete record was given to my mother in law in error and she refused to release it to me...the proper owner. She was still punishing me for his death. I begged her. I told her the kids future was in the balance. She did not care.

I'm surprised I made it. I really am. So many times I was let down, hurt felt defeated. I'm proud of myself for getting through this. Losing a spouse is hard enough but all that happened after is shameful. It's hard to imagine someone could take advantage of a family in such great pain. Unfortunately it happens...but we got through it.

These are just a few things that happenend. I'm considering penning a book on the experience. If for no other reason than to help other survivors know it seems like life can't go on but it will. It's going to be hard, people will show their true colors in such times but you will survive.

I don't wish it on anyone. It makes me sad knowing I'm only one of 22 a day who will endure this. It's gotta stop. I will continue to do what I can to help.