Onward and Upward!

I realized yesterday that I have successfully supported my family all on my own for the past four months. It's something I never thought I could do on my own. Seems so surreal sometimes. I never planned on being here but I played the hand I was dealt and I didn't lose.

I have more good days than bad. I'm not completely overwhelmed by the future and the unknown. When I stumble across something that belonged to Mike, I no longer burst into tears. I smile and take a moment to remember him with it and go on with my day. 

I've decided to make the move back to San Diego. It's where my kids grew up and where I feel most "at home". We came back to our hometown after Mije retired to settle down and start the rest of our life. Staying in this house makes me feel like my life is paused. It no longer feels like my home. I walk past the garage door daily knowing what happened on the other side just feet away. It's a constant reminder. I want to let it go. I want to remember how he smiled, how he lived...not how he died.

I'm excited about life now and eager to make plans. I have so much hope. I have three incredible kids and a man who loves me...knowing all my flaws and past. He too has a son that I can't wait to love as my own. 

I'm ready for the next chapter in my life. I am ready to live and love to the fullest. I know I'm heading in the right direction and I'm completely confident in my choices. For the first time in my life I'm jumping in eyes wide open with no fear. It's an amazing feeling. Life does go on!

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

False Domestic Violence Allegations and Personality Disorders

Domestic violence is a major issue in our society today, laws have been made to protect those suffering from abuse in the home. It took many years for such laws to be enacted. At one time it was perfectly acceptable for a man to hit, berate and sexually assault his wife. It was considered a valid exercise of authority from husband to wife. We have come a long way. The authorities now recognize this as what it is, abuse.  Because new laws exist women can live freely without fear of violence. Many women are alive today because the court's protection. With that being said, it is also now being used as a tool by women to exercise power over men in their lives. It's a sad and disgusting result of the very laws to protect us. False allegations of domestic violence are at the very least an insult to women who are abused. It makes efforts to secure protection even harder for women who actually need it.  If you are going through a divorce or custody issue and file false charges to gain
Read more

Service Member Suicide

It was recently announced that we have lost more service members this year to suicide than in combat. The statement is shocking, considering we are occupying Afghanistan and other war torn areas of the world and everyday another name is added to the list. People don't want to talk about the suicides. Its as if its a shameful secret swept under the rug. According to the Army soldier suicide is up 80%. EIGHTY PERCENT. We are doing something wrong. It seems that those who truly need help are afraid to talk and those who don't want to quickly blame PTSD for any shortcoming they have in life after war. On the news, if someone robs a bank the first thing they report is he was a combat veteran in one of the branches of the US Military. They skirt around PTSD as a motive. PTSD is real and its not an excuse to toss around lightly. I know why our service members don't reach out. I have been personally effected by it and now since my husband is weeks from retirement and 20 years of
Read more

The Gentle Giant

Image
There are three men in my life that since childhood I have trusted explicitly. Jaime Valenzuela, Sean McGee, and Kenny Loveless. They have loved and protected me for 25 years and have always been there for me in thick and thin. The relationship was special with those three and even to this day I know for a fact that if I called them and told them I needed help their first reply would be "who's ass needs kicking?" It would NOT matter who, or if I were right or wrong they had my back. Today we lost one of those guys and in a way the world feels a bit less safe. We learned that Kenny passed away. He will be sorely missed by so many. We grew up together in a small farming community in Missouri, in the same neighborhood just one street away. There was a group of neighborhood kids who were together daily usually mobbed up in one or the other's front yard. We were as thick as thieves. For the most part even though half of us moved far away and we all grew up to have lives
Read more