A Confession

Sometimes when it's late at night and everyone is asleep I wander around this dark house hoping Mike will appear to me. I don't know what I want him to say or even say anything at all. I just want to see his face one more time. 

I've accepted that he's gone. I've begun to move on with my life and am finally starting to feel joy again but still, I hope to catch a glimpse of him. Sometimes I have to really try to remember what his voice sounded like. I'd like to hear him say he's okay now, or that he loves me or it's not my fault. These are all things I know but to hear them would be amazing. 

No joy, love, happiness or light in my life now will ever take away what we had. That was special and different just as the relationships and love I feel now are. 

I'm really surprised and proud of how the kids are adjusting. They are thriving. They are still funny and laugh and grow everyday. I am thankful. I know he is watching and I hope he is proud of us. 
I do believe he sent Sean into our lives to love and protect us in a way he couldn't. I feel blessed for this in spite of the incredible loss we had. 

Sean loves us and he loved Mike too. It's a special connection because he knew him. We are able to share stories and memories. He's able to tell the kids about their father and is more than willing to keep his memory alive. That's so incredible. Most men would be intimidated by it. He welcomes it and embraces the sharing. 

We may have lost Mike but we are very lucky to have Sean. I love him. I really do. 

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