You can't unring that bell

There are two things you can tell a woman that are devistating. One is that you're a bad wife and the other is that you're a bad mom. In the past four years I've been told both. When the rumor started that I personally killed my husband I was broken. Last week I got into a huge argument with my former in laws. In the heat of the moment my ex mother in law said "had TJ not come to live with us the state was going to take him away!" It was a lie. It was completely untrue. At no point in his life was he ever at risk of being taken but the words were said. And they hurt. So deeply. I cried for days. The fact that anyone could say that or think that or that my kid was ever told that hurts. It's something that I may never get over. I know they love him. I thought if she said that so casually in the moment who else did she share this story with? Why would she say something so hurtful? I am not perfect. I made mistakes but never, even in the wake of Mikes suicide did I ever neglect my kids. It was supposed to be the happiest moment in a mom's life seeing her child graduate but it was taken from me with one angry ugly sentence. I live two lives. One in which I'm a hero, protector and defender to my kids and one in which I'm seen as a failure as a mom. That's crushing. I won't stop trying though. That's just what moms do.

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