It's Not a Natural Disaster

Have you ever watched the documentaries about what happens on the beach right before a tsunami? One minute you're frolicking in the waves and the next, the sea disappears...it receded as far as the eye can tell. The water is gone. You look around and its nothing but sand and rock. It's weird. You know it's unusual, you sense something is very wrong but your curiosity draws you further out to investigate. It's quiet...too quiet...eerie even. What the heck is going on? You're stunned.

Then with a roar of a thousand trains the enormous wall of water takes you without hesitation....

The time period prior to a tsunami is very similar to the days leading up to Mike's suicide. If I had to describe what it was like I would say that fits the feeling best. I knew something was off. His behavior was weird. It defied logic. It confused and stunned me at times. I could not put my finger on what was happening right in front of me. I had never seen such behavior from him. Just like the ocean that rose and fell daily, I knew him. It never occurred to me that my life, my children's lives and his were all in danger. My brain couldn't quite process the impending threat. After all, just like the beach I knew his heart. Just like the tide. 

Having survived suicide is like having survived a natural disaster. Someone who has never seen the ocean swallow a whole village and all its people in seconds could argue it's impossibility. Having lived day after day on the coast a lifetime and never seeing first hand the total devastation of entire populations, they may even call you a liar. They aren't wrong, they truly believe it can not...would not happen. It is not the nature of the tide. The tide is constant. Dependable.

They could not possibly know. 

Once you know what the ocean is capable of, you can't forget. It changes the way you see it forever. It can be both beautiful and dangerous. Dependable and ruthless. It can provide sustinence and take your very existence in the same trip. It doesn't care. The ocean doesn't target individuals. The sea simply exists. 

When natural disaster happens you don't curse the ocean. It's the way of our universe. We coexist with the ocean. We need it more than it needs us. That is the difference between suicide and a tsunami. There is nothing natural about a suicide. It is not a necessary part of life. Unlike tsunami it is preventable. What are the odds of being taken by tsunami twice? You know if the ocean recedes around you to take cover now, right? I'm not sure anyone can answer that. I pray no one has to learn the answer.

Life after tsunami waters return to the sea is like after suicide. You wade through the muck and mud searching for survivors. You navigate around the debris wondering if anything is salvageable. You don't recognize the very place you called home. How in the world will I recover from this? You question why it left you standing and nothing else. Who can you blame? Who is responsible for such destruction? Why? You sit alone in the rubble until you regain your strength and will to live. You decide to rebuild. You don't erase the memory of what once stood in its place, you rebuild in honor of it. Your life is a memorial to the one that was taken by the water. You realize that blaming someone or something is not as important as honoring what was and making those lost proud of what can be in the wake of such great loss. 

Suicide and life after is not natural disaster but it can feel like nothing else but.... Just like cities and towns destroyed by natural disaster you have the support of friends and family to rally around you and began anew. Others are ready and willing to get dirty and rebuild. Teamwork is the only way cities can be erected. Others like you are rebuilding too...as dedicated to making something out of the destruction. Volunteers from other places who have successfully rebuilt will come to your aid. It may be hard to accept the help but my advice is to welcome it. They know the path you walk because they have navigated it too. 

My hope is you don't just "survive" this but thrive. You are not just a victim of natural disaster at the end of your life. It's just one thing you experienced. You are so much more. This event will not define you but help enrich your human experience. This event will one day provide you with a connection to others that is unique and special. How you decide to use it is entirely up to you. 

After great loss our perspective changes. What was once so important to us must be reconsidered. After all even the ocean carves out new coasts and creates new territories. Slowly and surely.