Memories Of Him

There are things that people probably don't know about Mike. We spent nearly 11 years married and 20 years friends. He was a private guy. He got the nickname "Big Evil" at work because he spoke so little. The truth is he was a very sensitive guy under that.

I only saw him cry a handful of times and nearly all of those times were tears of joy. He felt deeply but had a hard time verbalizing it. In those moments of tearful joy he didn't need to say anything, I already knew.

The night we got married as he said his vows he began to choke up. He made me cry in doing so. I jokingly whispered under my breath "OMG! I fucking hate you!" It became code for "I love you" for the rest of our married life. 

When I went into labor with Mason we arrived at the hospital ready to meet him, only we learned he was breech, couldn't be repositioned and I had to have an emergency c-section. I could see the panic and fear in Mikes eyes as they wheeled me into the OR. As soon as he could he was sitting beside me. He was the first to hold Mason since my arms were strapped down. I could see him holding our baby as the tears dropped down his face and into the swaddling blanket. It is a memory I will hold so close to my heart for the rest of my life. It was in that moment I knew he was the happiest he'd ever been. He finally had a son, a namesake, a best friend.
When we found out Kira was a girl it was his 32nd birthday. We went to a 3D place to see if maybe we could catch a glimpse of the babies gender. The tech said "Congrats Daddy! She's a girl!" The tears welled in his eyes. The look of was breathtaking. He was a proud daddy!

When she was born it was a scheduled c-section and we were both prepared. He bragged that he would be the first to hold her and he was. His reaction to her birth was just like Mason's. He looked down at her and said "Hello Kira! I'm your daddy! I love you." My heart melted. I felt so lucky that day.

More interesting and hilarious facts about him:
He had the song Barbie Girl downloaded in five languages on his IPod. And it was before our kids were even born!

He loved techno but didn't dance. It's probably for the best because that's a lot of arms and legs flailing about!

He dreamed of working on his mustang with Mason. He wanted to paint it a chameleon purple.

He loved the comedian Jeff Dunham. I'd never heard him laugh so hard than when watching that.

Although he was six foot four and rarely spoke, he was anything but evil. Before he got sick he was funny and silly and so happy to be a husband, a father, a Marine. He loved his family and his country. 

I watched him slip away into a deep depression and he was the last to know. The change in him was hard on all of us. I just knew the real Mike under that gray cloud and hoped he'd come back to us.

What I take with me and will share with our kids is the happy times, the laughs, the moments of elation we shared, his patriotism, dedication, love and pride. 

He was a good man who just got lost. He forgot how important he was.

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