Just sort of empty

I'm not angry, or resentful, or in denial. I've fully accepted he's gone but I just miss him.
I'm lonely a lot even in a houseful of people. It's just this emptiness. I went from being with Mike for 11 years to being so terribly alone. I have plenty of friends and my children to keep me busy but it feels like I've left my house without my purse everyday. 
I miss him. I miss how no matter where he or I was going I would always kiss him good bye. Even if I was just running to the gas station. 
Every night at bed time Kira had to kiss her dad first and then me. Always in that order. I miss watching him play in the floor with the dog and the kids. I miss cutting his hair and making him supper. I still have to stop myself from grabbing him a doctor pepper when I stop anywhere. He loved chocolate cake and chocolate frosting. His favorite meal was Lasagna. He drank Jack and Dr Pepper. He loved the Walking Dead and woodworking in the garage. Of I gave him an idea for something...he'd have it built by the end of the day.
He didn't just clean my truck, he removed the seats and detailed every part. He brought me fountain cokes and PB cups home sonetimes.
He had so many hopes and dreams and he will never get to do them now. That part makes me sad. My kids will never get to see how wonderful he was before he got sick. Life wasn't always hard. 

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