Love, Loss and Light

Since getting into a committed relationship with Sean, the idea of marriage has been on my mind. I mean, we are engaged and are completely content this way. Our relationship has been relaxed and natural. We're not in a rush. We've both been married. Our kids are adults or nearing adulthood. We're together by choice. It's a good place.

However, the marriage issue is something that could be a reality on the horizon so I have considered it.

And...it's tricky. At first I thought well who would I eventually be buried with?

...but then I remembered I don't even believe that you have to go to a graveside to talk to your dead loved one. I'm concerned about where my soul goes not my body.

So, I satisfied that point.

Then I thought "when I get to heaven, what then? How do you pick which husband you want to spend eternity with? Does God pick for you?" And that's going to hurt someone. That's no heaven in my eyes.

I did think for days about this...sober and completely stoned. Lol

This afternoon on my balcony it came to me out of nowhere...

When we die we leave our human forms. We are no longer defined by gender. There is no gender. We are spirit. Light. There will be no jealously or pain or heartbreak because those are human emotions. I will never have to pick one or the other because we are just spirit appreciating each other. When we get there our loved ones will instantly recognize our unique light.

So, I could be trying rationalize why I could marry again one day.
 ....Or, I could have hit the peace pipe too hard
... Just maybe that's the truth. It seems like heaven to me. Peaceful, positive, loving.

I know regardless of what happens to us in the afterlife, Mike will "shake Sean's hand" and thank him for raising his kids as if they were his own and for making me smile everyday on Earth despite what I've been through.

That's something I'm sure of.