Storm Clouds PTSD and Vet Suicide

I spent this past weekend at the National Suicide Survivors Seminar given by TAPS where I'm a proud Peer Mentor. I'm not just a member of a group but a part of a family and this is so good for the soul. It was in Florida this year. The resort was beautiful and the company I was in...top notch.

On the last night of the event I walked out to see the most brilliant sky. It was literally and symbolically breathtaking. We don't get clouds like that here in southern California. As I was snapping a few photos it occurred to me that this phenomenon could perfectly describe the way PTSD and Vet Suicide progress. I stood there nearly in tears considering the fact. This is a visual example of something that many of us understand but few can put into words.

This is an exerpt from an email I sent earlier in which I do my best to convey how PTSD progresses with time. I hope you can connect. Maybe it can help you understand your own struggles or those of your loved one:

These people don't want to lose their reputation, their rank, their wings and their career. Most importantly and most commonly reported to me...their retirement. They say "I've been in for 15 years, served in Afghanistan and Iraq. I'll be damned if they will take my retirement away! I will ask for help when I retire."

...and they do their best to stick it out but PTSD has a way of growing stronger with time. I can best describe it with a photo I took this weekend of the ominous storm clouds rolling in over the ocean. They were mean and dangerous but there was still beautiful blue sky in sight so you know it exists. Gradually the raging clouds fill the whole sky leaving you wondering if they are gone forever. And the paranoia of a PTSD brain convinces them self they are the reason the storm clouds loom above. Then they think if they disappeared the clouds would too and the blue sky would return for others.

...at this point it's too late. The illness has become stronger than even the most elite of men. Letting the illness fester and grow is what is killing our vets. NOT PTSD. I have PTSD from witnessing my husband's suicide. Early intervention is why I've triumphed over tragedy. I have the condition but was diagnosed very early and take an active role in my treatment. I also face very different circumstances in my career and life. I don't fear losing everything. I've lost it all and choose to rebuild. letting it go as long as these guys (and girls!) do is the real issue.

I guess if I can offer up anything to you right now it's: don't wait until there is no blue sky above you. Those ominous clouds hanging above have a way of tricking you into believing it'll storm forever.  The earlier you get proper care the less difficult it will be to push the storm clouds out of your horizon. Regardless of how dark the sky has become...it's temporary. Behind those clouds is a beautiful endless blue sky and sun.

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