Absolute Panic

I'm sure by now you've read that I have chosen to go the medical marijuana route for my anxiety and insomnia. Because of it I have been able to stop two prescribed pharmaceuticals Kolonipin and Trazadone. I've been on it for just over a year now and overall I'm very happy. I use it in the late evening and it really does what I need. I've been educated on the strains sativa, indica and hybrids. I know now when to use what and for which symptoms to switch. Before this I didn't even know there were different types of marijuana. I thought it was all the same. I never really used it even as a teen. Maybe a handful of times total in my life socially. Never actually purchased it personally. I had always had such a negative view of it. I lumped it in with any other illegal substance. I'm probably the last person you would think partakes. I'm a convert, it's true. Because it's made my life so much easier.

With THAT being said...and with my commitment of transparency in my journey I feel compelled to share with you what happened last night. It was truly a frightening experience.

But before that I will tell you one of the reason using marijuana was never attractive to me growing up was because it wasn't "taboo" in our home. It wasn't naughty or dangerous. It had been used around me from as far back as I can recall. It was not good or bad it just "was".

It calmed people. Relaxed.

This is not at all what occurred last night. AT ONE POINT I ASKED IF I WAS DYING!

I visited a different dispensery last week. One I'd never been to and I suppose I put more faith in the guy behind the counter than in my own advocacy and research. I asked him for a strain that was good for anxiety. I just assumed he knew what he was talking about.

Dumb. Some types have stronger psychoactive properties. This one certainly did. At first it made me giggle but then out of nowhere it caused absolute PANIC. I would go through intermittent flashes of sheer terror and confusion. I'd realize I just asked to go to the hospital and be so freaked out. My heart was racing and I was blind on one eye. The effect had me asking if I just had a stroke. My body was twitching like I was mid siezure. I kept saying " This is not right. Something is wrong. This is really really bad. I will never do this again if i survive."

If Sean hadn't calmed me down I would have called 911. He was so sweet and so patient. He couldn't have even known what was going on in my head and I scared him too. I didn't know you could hallucinate or "trip" using a marijuana vape. I remember telling him this feels like what I imagine bath salts feeling like. I wanted to be anywhere but inside my body. I actually feared the vape was laced with lsd or something. I was shaking and twitching the way old black and white movies portrayed marijuana users. The ones I'd always just giggled at; thinking what a ridiculous image to project. That doesn't happen.

I can laugh at myself now because the feeling has past. I am not kidding that strain will never be touched by me again. Some people might want to experience that but I take it to calm my nerves and help me sleep not accuse people of overdosing me on...pot! I really thought in that moment the dispensery wanted to kill me. W..T..F?!

I'm hesitant to name the strain because I'm not intending to glorify or even bad mouth it. I just want others to know if they are struggling with PTSD, anxiety or insomnia...maybe skip trying it. It's called Gorilla Glue.

I want to share my personal "hits and misses"  (punny!) So that maybe you can avoid making the error all together. I do believe this route can help with many of our struggles but DAMM cam it clearly go terribly wrong too. It's definitely on my NEVER AGAIN list.

Take this info as it relates to you and do with it what you will...but don't say I didn't warn you!

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