Parenting After a Traumatic Loss

Do you remember being a first time mom? You have this tiny little person who depends completely on you and you honestly have no clue what you're doing despite reading a boat load of books in preparation. You spend your time checking on them as they sleep instead of...you know, sleeping too. You jump at every noise they make. Are they cold? Are they hungry? Are they sick? You worry constantly. The books say the risk for SIDS is dramatically reduced after age one so for pretty much the whole year you're obsessed with making sure they are still breathing....

...this anxiety is the closest to how I can describe what it's like parenting emotionally damaged kids in the wake of their fathers suicide. I am constantly questioning if their behavior is age appropriate or a result of their trauma. Kids are resilient. That's what the therapists and books say. But just like having an infant for the first time nothing in books matter...keeping your kid happy and healthy matters. Common sense is lost at times. Rational thinking is not so rational. Our job in life is to get these little people to adulthood, to ensure they become productive members of society. Parenting under normal circumstances is hard enough.

I've read all the books, spoke with specialists, done a variety of therapies. The statistics for children of a parent who completes suicide are frightening. Kids who do not get proper care are at risk for so many hardships, health issues and even death. I don't research to send my blood pressure through the roof but because I MUST know what I am up against. I need to know the red flags. I have to make sure I address the issues that are common for kids who experience a traumatic loss. 

I feel like I am back at the beginning starting all over. Like a complete noob. And, now that their dad is gone it's up to me to get it right. That's a lot of pressure. Parenting shouldn't be this stressful...should it? I do a lot of praying. Please let me not fail them. Please let me be a good example. 

They say kids are resilient. They said nothing about us parents. In tv and commercials parents always say it's such a breeze. So natural. They are either lying or their Prozac is dialed up too high. Parenting is fucking hard. 

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