What Time Is It In Heaven?

Kira asked me what time it was in heaven today. I wasn't sure how to respond. I don't even know if time is a concept up there.
In three weeks it will be a full year he's been gone. Does he know he's missed? Does he know that Kira looks like him more everyday? Does he know that Mason connects to him each time we head to the beach? Or that when I hear Metallica I tear up no matter where I am? Or that I sometimes find myself buying Oreos or pop tarts for him in the grocery store, only to turn around and put them back on the shelf?
We've learned to let go just enough to move on. We have learned to live our life as it is now, different. Time doesn't heal anything. It only teaches us to cope with the pain. What once was catastrophic has evolved into a part of who we are. There's a hint of sadness in our hearts even on the happiest of days.  It's woven into the fabric of who we became in the wake of such loss. What once was a pain so excruciating is now in a way just a dull throb we've learned to manage. 

We are adjusted to the new way we live. Life is a choice. We choose to honor him by smiling and laughing and living our lives to the fullest. We know that's what he'd want for us. A beautiful life. 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

False Domestic Violence Allegations and Personality Disorders

Domestic violence is a major issue in our society today, laws have been made to protect those suffering from abuse in the home. It took many years for such laws to be enacted. At one time it was perfectly acceptable for a man to hit, berate and sexually assault his wife. It was considered a valid exercise of authority from husband to wife. We have come a long way. The authorities now recognize this as what it is, abuse.  Because new laws exist women can live freely without fear of violence. Many women are alive today because the court's protection. With that being said, it is also now being used as a tool by women to exercise power over men in their lives. It's a sad and disgusting result of the very laws to protect us. False allegations of domestic violence are at the very least an insult to women who are abused. It makes efforts to secure protection even harder for women who actually need it.  If you are going through a divorce or custody issue and file false charges to gain
Read more

Service Member Suicide

It was recently announced that we have lost more service members this year to suicide than in combat. The statement is shocking, considering we are occupying Afghanistan and other war torn areas of the world and everyday another name is added to the list. People don't want to talk about the suicides. Its as if its a shameful secret swept under the rug. According to the Army soldier suicide is up 80%. EIGHTY PERCENT. We are doing something wrong. It seems that those who truly need help are afraid to talk and those who don't want to quickly blame PTSD for any shortcoming they have in life after war. On the news, if someone robs a bank the first thing they report is he was a combat veteran in one of the branches of the US Military. They skirt around PTSD as a motive. PTSD is real and its not an excuse to toss around lightly. I know why our service members don't reach out. I have been personally effected by it and now since my husband is weeks from retirement and 20 years of
Read more

The Gentle Giant

Image
There are three men in my life that since childhood I have trusted explicitly. Jaime Valenzuela, Sean McGee, and Kenny Loveless. They have loved and protected me for 25 years and have always been there for me in thick and thin. The relationship was special with those three and even to this day I know for a fact that if I called them and told them I needed help their first reply would be "who's ass needs kicking?" It would NOT matter who, or if I were right or wrong they had my back. Today we lost one of those guys and in a way the world feels a bit less safe. We learned that Kenny passed away. He will be sorely missed by so many. We grew up together in a small farming community in Missouri, in the same neighborhood just one street away. There was a group of neighborhood kids who were together daily usually mobbed up in one or the other's front yard. We were as thick as thieves. For the most part even though half of us moved far away and we all grew up to have lives
Read more