Literary Translation Game Episode 1

I like to play a little game called 'What they said and what they really meant.' I like to read quotes from really old dead poets, philosophers and you know...wise people and make them relevant to current life. If you have ever read the work of these jackwagons you know that they are wordy bitches. Maybe to sound more profound or perhaps they had a minimum word and syllable deadline. Who knows. So here we go....

Today I randomly picked Marcel Proust. He was a French Novelist. And I am pretty sure he was gay. Or just hated women. I never met him but you'll see what I mean when you hear his quotes.


What he said...

"The bonds that unite another person to our self exist only in our mind."

What he meant...
" I have S&M fantasies. So far no luck on getting anyone to tie me up and spank me"

Said...
"People wish to learn to swim and at the same time to keep one foot on the ground."

Meant:
My banana hammock makes me look fat.

Said:
"It is comforting when one has a sorrow to lie in the warmth of one's bed and there, abandoning all effort and all resistance, to bury even one's head under the cover, giving one's self up to it completely, moaning.. like branches in the autumn wind. But there is still a better bed, full of divine odors. It is our sweet, our profound, our impenetrable friendship."

Meant:

I fancy hookers but you are fun to talk to.

Said:
There are perhaps no days of our childhood we lived so fully as those we spent with a favorite book.

Meant:
I wasnt a very popular kid.

Said:
What a profound significance small things assume when the woman we love conceals them from us.

Meant:

Women are lying whores.

Said:
Life is extraordinarily suave and sweet with certain natural, witty, affectionate people who have unusual distinction and are capable of every vice, but who make a display of none in public and about whom no one can.. affirm they have a single one. There is something supple and secret about them. Besides, their perversity gives spice to their most innocent occupations, such as taking a walk in the garden at night.

Meant:
I like to twirl like a fairy in the moon light when no one is looking.

Said:

"No exile at the South Pole or on the summit of Mont Blanc separates us more effectively from others than the practice of a hidden vice."

Meant:
I am addicted to gay porn.

Said:
A change in the weather is sufficient to recreate the world and ourselves."

Meant:
I like to stay current on seasonal fashion trends.

Said:
The only paradise is paradise lost.

Meant:
My life sucks. I remember it being good but that was a while ago.

Said:
There is no one, no matter how wise he is, who has not in his youth said things or done things that are so unpleasant to recall in later life that he would expunge them entirely from his memory if that were possible.

Meant:

Dude, I fucked up a lot when I was younger.

Said:
Like many intellectuals, he was incapable of saying a simple thing in a simple way."

Meant:

I talk to much. If I just keep using HUGE words people will think I am smart.

Said:
"I perceived that to express those impressions, to write that essential book, which is the only true one, a great writer does not, in the current meaning of the word, invent it, but, since it exists already in each.. one of us, interprets it. The duty and the task of a writer are those of an interpreter.

Meant:
One day a sarcastic and witty broad will butcher my writing to amuse herself on her blog.

Said:
"Happiness serves hardly any other purpose than to make unhappiness possible."

Meant:

FML!

Said:
"People have many different kinds of pleasure. The real one is that for which they will forsake the others.

Meant:

Have I mentioned my fondness for hookers?

Said:
"Impelled by a state of mind which is destined not to last, we make our irrevocable decisions"

Meant:
I have poor impulse control.

Said:
"The features of our face are hardly more than gestures which force of habit made permanent. Nature, like the destruction of Pompeii, like the metamorphosis of a nymph into a tree, has arrested us in an accustomed movement."

Meant:

I am one ugly mothereffer

Said:
"The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes but in having new eyes.

Meant:

You are far more attractive in my S&M fantasies.

Said:

A cathedral, a wave of storm, a dancer's leap, never turn out to be as high as we had hoped.

Meant:

Im pretty emo as luck would have it.

Said:
Desire makes everything blossom possession makes everything wither and fade.

Meant:

I am flat broke but I have a great personality.

Said:

Only through art can we emerge from ourselves and know what another person sees.

Meant:

Does this novel make my butt look big?

Said:

A woman one loves rarely suffices for all our needs, so we deceive her with another whom we do not love.

Meant:

I can not get enough of those hooker!

SAid:

"Let us leave pretty women to men devoid of imagination."

Meant:

I have low self esteem.