Does this Gender Equality T-Shirt make me look fat?!
Anyone who knows me well also knows that I am a huge fan of vintage pinup and cheesecake portraiture. I love it for several reasons, one is that it highlights the the art of the tease. Its what separates today's pinup. Its suggestive, not pornographic. It forces the viewer to use their imagination. It captivates them. Its femininity at its finest. For that reason I think it is better than today's full on gratuitous photos. Nothing is left to the imagination. We know fantasy is ALWAYS better than reality.
Of course, either way you are objectifying women. This is a constant struggle in my head. Sometimes I feel like the biggest hypocrite. Working with many girls in photo styling I learned so much about the art of being a woman. We all want the same thing. We all have hang ups. Unfortunately a great deal of us put our self worth in our outward appearance. I have seen pinup help and hurt these girls equally.
I have learned that we are our own worst enemies. We are under constant scrutiny by ourselves and our peers. Men have so little to do with it these days. We can vote, wear pants, work in the field of our choice or stay home with our children. Nothing is holding us back...except each other. Men dont care. They just don't. We don't get all dressed up for them. We love to think about how much its pissing off other girls that we look so good. Admit it. When we see a girl looking better than us we instantly hate her.
Imagine you and your girlfriends are going out for drinks. You spend all day getting ready. You meet up and what do you do without thought? Size up the other girls to make sure you are the best looking. You compliment the ones that look like shit, and conveniently forget to mention to the girl you think outshines you, she is stunning. Because in our heads (as insane as it sounds to read!!) giving an honest compliment somehow takes away from our hotness. Why?! I dunno, we are vain. That is if we meet up at all. Sometimes the worry that we wont be as hot as the others freaks us out to the point that we decide just to stay home and eat ice cream from the carton and watch Titanic.
I have been both over and underweight. Neither was more gratifying. When I was fat I was told if I lost a few pounds I would be amazing and when I was underweight they told me I looked sick. It was totally defeating. But that was when I really started to notice that other people's comments had nothing to do with me and everything to do with THEM! No matter how you look, someone will have criticism. When I say someone...I mean someone with a vagina and a self esteem issue.
At no point in this lesson did my own husband ever make a rude comment. When I was 200lbs or 115lbs. Because as I said MEN DONT CARE! The ones that do...they probably have a small penis and are dealing with their own internal battles. I have learned that men love a woman with confidence. Confidence is sexy. Men hate to be asked if we look fat, they hate the judgment, the comments we make about other women. It makes them uncomfortable. What men want more than picture perfect wives, straight from a runway is attention. Attention has no physical form. Its not fat or ugly or too tight. Its one size fits all.
I often wondered why a man cheats on his wife with a less attractive woman. We all put worth in appearance. Its hard to get over that. What I started to really understand was, it wasnt about the wife being pretty enough. It was the attention. When you get comfortable in a relationship, have kids, and life gets more complex your partners needs become less of a priority. They become lonely. The long to be wanted, admired, excited. There is nothing really wrong with their lives overall. But then, someone notices them and it feels good. The girl makes him feel like a man again. She could look like Gilbert Godfrey but she likes HIM.
Because we are women we think he left because we spent our day in sweats or gained a few pounds after having the kids, didn't wear dresses as much as we once did. hardly ever wore makeup? It MUST have something to do with our appearance. It didnt. It was about him. His feelings.
...But that's just between you and me. Don't let the men folk know I am on to them.
Oh, but don't worry when you are down and out and reeling from what happened some stupid jealous bitch will come along and say "you really let yourself go and cant even keep your man!" Not because she wants to kick you while you are down but because inside she scared to death it will happen to her too.
You cannot change what others think or say but if you understand WHY, its easier to handle. They cant control your thoughts but they can amplify your own insecurities and hang ups. If you feel good about yourself, no one can shake that. Remember that giving another woman a compliment and genuinely meaning it doesn't diminish your beauty, it adds to it. To appreciate their attributes only highlights yours. Appearance plays a huge role in our society. Acknowledge it but don't think its a gender equality issue. Elizabeth Cady Stanton will roll in her grave.
What I suggest is to address your interior before making exterior modifications. No "Extreme Makeover" will make you a better person. If you buy a shitty house with a crumbling foundation and paint it, it can still fall apart at any minute. Refurbishing a house takes time. So does changing your perception. Living in a gated community among other beautifully landscaped homes does not mean its more secure or safe. It does provide a fantastic false sense of security so that when your home IS robbed you are so shocked and violated that you need therapy for several years.
If I had one wish it would be that girls stop being such assholes to themselves and each other. Its like wishing for world peace or a pony under the Christmas tree. I know...I know.
Of course, either way you are objectifying women. This is a constant struggle in my head. Sometimes I feel like the biggest hypocrite. Working with many girls in photo styling I learned so much about the art of being a woman. We all want the same thing. We all have hang ups. Unfortunately a great deal of us put our self worth in our outward appearance. I have seen pinup help and hurt these girls equally.
I have learned that we are our own worst enemies. We are under constant scrutiny by ourselves and our peers. Men have so little to do with it these days. We can vote, wear pants, work in the field of our choice or stay home with our children. Nothing is holding us back...except each other. Men dont care. They just don't. We don't get all dressed up for them. We love to think about how much its pissing off other girls that we look so good. Admit it. When we see a girl looking better than us we instantly hate her.
Imagine you and your girlfriends are going out for drinks. You spend all day getting ready. You meet up and what do you do without thought? Size up the other girls to make sure you are the best looking. You compliment the ones that look like shit, and conveniently forget to mention to the girl you think outshines you, she is stunning. Because in our heads (as insane as it sounds to read!!) giving an honest compliment somehow takes away from our hotness. Why?! I dunno, we are vain. That is if we meet up at all. Sometimes the worry that we wont be as hot as the others freaks us out to the point that we decide just to stay home and eat ice cream from the carton and watch Titanic.
I have been both over and underweight. Neither was more gratifying. When I was fat I was told if I lost a few pounds I would be amazing and when I was underweight they told me I looked sick. It was totally defeating. But that was when I really started to notice that other people's comments had nothing to do with me and everything to do with THEM! No matter how you look, someone will have criticism. When I say someone...I mean someone with a vagina and a self esteem issue.
At no point in this lesson did my own husband ever make a rude comment. When I was 200lbs or 115lbs. Because as I said MEN DONT CARE! The ones that do...they probably have a small penis and are dealing with their own internal battles. I have learned that men love a woman with confidence. Confidence is sexy. Men hate to be asked if we look fat, they hate the judgment, the comments we make about other women. It makes them uncomfortable. What men want more than picture perfect wives, straight from a runway is attention. Attention has no physical form. Its not fat or ugly or too tight. Its one size fits all.
I often wondered why a man cheats on his wife with a less attractive woman. We all put worth in appearance. Its hard to get over that. What I started to really understand was, it wasnt about the wife being pretty enough. It was the attention. When you get comfortable in a relationship, have kids, and life gets more complex your partners needs become less of a priority. They become lonely. The long to be wanted, admired, excited. There is nothing really wrong with their lives overall. But then, someone notices them and it feels good. The girl makes him feel like a man again. She could look like Gilbert Godfrey but she likes HIM.
Because we are women we think he left because we spent our day in sweats or gained a few pounds after having the kids, didn't wear dresses as much as we once did. hardly ever wore makeup? It MUST have something to do with our appearance. It didnt. It was about him. His feelings.
...But that's just between you and me. Don't let the men folk know I am on to them.
Oh, but don't worry when you are down and out and reeling from what happened some stupid jealous bitch will come along and say "you really let yourself go and cant even keep your man!" Not because she wants to kick you while you are down but because inside she scared to death it will happen to her too.
You cannot change what others think or say but if you understand WHY, its easier to handle. They cant control your thoughts but they can amplify your own insecurities and hang ups. If you feel good about yourself, no one can shake that. Remember that giving another woman a compliment and genuinely meaning it doesn't diminish your beauty, it adds to it. To appreciate their attributes only highlights yours. Appearance plays a huge role in our society. Acknowledge it but don't think its a gender equality issue. Elizabeth Cady Stanton will roll in her grave.
What I suggest is to address your interior before making exterior modifications. No "Extreme Makeover" will make you a better person. If you buy a shitty house with a crumbling foundation and paint it, it can still fall apart at any minute. Refurbishing a house takes time. So does changing your perception. Living in a gated community among other beautifully landscaped homes does not mean its more secure or safe. It does provide a fantastic false sense of security so that when your home IS robbed you are so shocked and violated that you need therapy for several years.
If I had one wish it would be that girls stop being such assholes to themselves and each other. Its like wishing for world peace or a pony under the Christmas tree. I know...I know.
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