Will You Be A Victim Or Survivor?

First, I apologize for my lack of sharing as of late. It seems the more time that passes the less I feel the need to be heard and validated. I don't know if it's supposed to be that way or not. But, in my case I think this is true. We are coming on 5 years since he died and I am always a bit more emotional in the weeks and days leading up to September 15th.

Let's get on with it. This particular blog is not about what type of trauma you may have experienced but what you do after you've been through it. It's some of the only advice I will ever offer up because I so strongly believe it has helped me thus far. As always take it or leave it. There is no wrong or right way.

There is ONE difference between being a victim and being a survivor if you've lived through trauma and are here today to read this. It is not the severity of the trauma or length of exposure. It's one simple thing. That thing that controls how you end up is..choice. Only you can decided if you are a victim or a survivor. Why? Because victims don't live. To be a victim is to trade your life for the event that took place. By making that exchange you forefit all your power. You are giving that person place or thing the control.

A survivor knows that yes, it happened and it was hard but they still stand here in the flesh and will not give up so easily. They don't deny it happened or pretend it was no big deal. They just refuse to allow this to break them. They will struggle as we do regardless. They will stumble too but they get back up. Over and over again. A victim resigns to never recovering. Always seeing this event as the thing that ruined their lives. And on that, can always blame any bad day on it. It becomes a way of life. They begin to believe they don't deserve happiness and peace. It breaks them. It takes everything that you love about yourself and the world around you. A survivor says I've lived through this and will whatever comes ahead. What happened then proved I can and will make the best of whatever life brings. I am the master of my destiny.

We are genetically designed to do one thing...survive. It's already inside you. You just have to make the choice and believe you can. If you don't yet believe, ask others for help. There is strength in numbers. Lean on others in your support network. Being a survivor is not thinking you're  indestructible or can do it alone. Being a survivor is having the wits to know your resources and accept what is offered to better yourself.

You are only a victim of this trauma if you allow it to be so. There is literally nothing that can be taken from you, barring your beating heart...that you can't rebuild from.

I've been both victim and survivor and I'm empowered by my current choice. If you surrender your power long enough you may never get it back. You exist, you don't survive. Don't give the trauma the satisfaction of knowing it won. If I can offer any advice it's to choose to survive, not just survive but thrive. Not in spite of the event but because of it.

A victim gets sympathy...a survivor gets on with life.

• I will never allow anyone to refer to me as a victim of anything. As long as there is air in my lungs and blood pumping in my chest...I'm surviving this.