TAPS San Diego Seminar 2017 Review

We joined in the San Diego TAPS Seminar this month and it was amazing for reasons I didn't even expect. First off, the view from our suite was breath taking. I don't care that I see it regularly...I will never stop gazing at the ocean like a kid in a toy store. I'm in awe every time. The experience is so profound for me. Standing by the ocean you realize just how small you are on this planet and how my problems, although big to me at times...are so small in the big picture.

**side note: I do this weird thing while on the beach. I didn't realize until just now that it's a "thing". (By thing I mean a healthy coping mechanism. Lol) as I sit on the beach I watch the waves come in I pick one that is impressive and I "feed" my worries and problems to the wave. I then watch the wave recede and as the ocean pulls back the water out to sea my anxieties/worries fears are pulled further out into the deep open ocean too. If you're looking for a "thing"....just sharing. I'm a visual person it works for me.**

...Back on topic. We stayed at the Bahia Resort. It was perfect and the staff was so good to us. It's a great place.  I'm not trying to "plug" the Resort but it had everything you could want. Even better they have some baby seals in an aquarium. The kids could have done nothing else and would have been happy.

I arrived early this time to help welcome new peer mentors and first timers. I was scheduled to "work" different sessions as a peer mentor. Luckily the sessions I was assigned I really wanted to attend so that was a big bonus.

Every TAPS event I attend I seem to take away something different. Or...its effect is different for me. This one was special. I knew when we made our reservation for TAPSSD this time would be different. It was the first time I brought along my fiancé. The TAPS family welcomed him warmly and just like everything else in our relationship he was in the "fold". It felt natural. Easy.

I was nervous about bringing him for a few reasons. It's societies view of young widows mostly. Also I was aware that parent survivors were in attendance. I was afraid they would be offended. That they might take it personally. How much time is the appropriate time passing for a widow to be engaged again? Would I be judged for grieving my late husband while making a life with a new one? Did being engaged forfeit my right to grieve and love at the same time? So many things. But it was all for nothing because it all melted away when we got there. After our shared experience that weekend I am more sure than ever that he's the partner for me.  I know he's right because reading all the stupid anxieties I listed above just make me giggle today. You will know when you know. This event happened to be the time I knew. It was a treat and unexpected. I will remember this moment always and it happened on a TAPS seminar.

The first evening flew by fast. I met the Good Grief head counselor for my daughter at registration. Like years prior the guy was a Marine at Pendleton and....was Aviation. He knew Mikes story already. We have several mutual friends and he's seen Mikes story shared by other Marines on Facebook. The Marine Corps is a small world. I love that.

I attended a suicide loss group session after dinner. It was intense. The pain this sort of loss creates is so profound. It was a mixed group. Larger than it should ever be. Just knowing that many people share this pain is overwhelming. In the group we were asked to volunteer our names and story. I was the last person. I finally for the first time since his death...shared all of the story of the night he died in public. It was so empowering. I owned it.  It felt like the weight of the world lifted.

The kids got a chance to meet their Good Grief counselors and had group activities. Judging by the laughter I heard across the resort, a good time was had by all.


Just as I was heading up to my room for the night we noticed a mom and her two kids looking very lost. So I offered to take them to check in. We started at the beginning. Went to the lobby to get their room key. There was no reservation in their name. I had to first find out who I needed to find to help and then hunt her down. It wasn't hard. I just sat with the family and chatted a bit. It turned out they never had a reservation and didn't complete the registration on Taps.org but it didn't matter. Zeneta (I think is her name) got her a room and then I walked them over to the Pavillion. I welcomed them again and said good night.

On the second day I woke up early just so I could sit on my balcony in the quiet to watch the sun rise. It was worth it. Beautiful.

We dropped the kids at Good Grief camp after breakfast.

In the Opening Ceremony, Bonnie spoke to everyone and recognized us, Peer Mentors, for our service. Made us stand up. There were many of us! It was thoughtful. She also asked how many first timers were in the room and it seemed like half were new. That's exciting! I know my first was. Just knowing you're not alone in this is such a relief. There are others dealing with the same issues!


After opening, we gathered on the beach for a group photo and the sessions began. I was able to attend two of three on that day but I spent a great deal of the day helping first timers find their way around. I love the Franks. Frank Campbell and Frank Cook. Both are speakers who I could listen to all day. They are very different but equally smart empathic and dedicated to the cause. 

I ran into the woman I'd helped the night before. She was lost so I walked her to her desires session. As we walked she mentioned that I made a huge impression on her daughter the night before. She said she knew I was tired but still sat with them and made them feel comfortable.  She said it inspired her. I didn't do anything special. I was just the first person to notice her. It's what we do.

The day turned to evening and after dinner I was out. The kids and Sean hit the pool. I hit the pillow. Hard.

Then it was Sunday the last day.  It was done. The fastest weekend in a long time. 

I'm reading back over this and it feels like I'm trying to lure you into a cult or something. Lol Don't worry about the Kool-Aid. I just can't say enough about how much I appreciate being involved with TAPS. I am so grateful. It's a multi faceted gift that keeps coming.  If you are a military survivor you have to at least research the organization. I'm involved with several but TAPS is my home. Nothing compares.

Thanks to everyone who hustled and worked hard for us! We loved every minute!