Our Secrets Keep Us Sick

When I was 6 almost seven years old I was sexually abused by my 19 year old cousin. The memory of that morning is so fresh in my mind, as if it just happened. It's been 30 years. It's something I've tried to push out of my mind, pretend never happened and at times wish away. But I've come to terms with it. I'm no longer ashamed. I know that I was a baby. Just finished the 1st grade. It wasn't my fault. Nothing I did or said caused it. He was 100% at fault.

At the time his own parents had kicked him out and my parents had taken him in. It just so happened that shortly after, my mom entered rehab and my dad was in jail. He was left in charge. To look after us. He repaid my parents kindness by abusing their oldest child. I don't think I can ever forgive him. The sight of him makes me want to drop kick him in the face.

Over this holiday weekend I had my favorite cousin out to visit us. She's never been to the ocean or been on a plane so it's been really fun. We got to talking yesterday and shared he abused her too. She began telling me details and it was as if she were reading my mind. He assaulted her the same way he did me. His own sister.

I guess I shouldn't be surprised.

Billy, neither of us have forgotten. And you are not forgiven. If I had it my way you'd be castrated. I don't make the rules though.

God will decide. Good luck with that.

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