TRAZADONE IS A NIGHTMARE!

Literally. I've been having a really hard time with sleep lately. I had a sleep study and it concluded I have restless leg syndrome. I had a follow up earlier this week with my primary and explained to her that I wake up several times a night really disoriented and not knowing exactly where I am. She's sending my sleep study results to the best neurologist in the area to reevaluate the results but in the meantime she's given me Trazadone. It's supposed to aid patients with PTSD related insomnia and nightmares sleep. I sleep but oh my gosh my dreams are terrifying and so vivid. I remember ALL of them.

ALL OF THESE DREAMS HAVE A CENTRAL THEME. PROTECTING MY KIDS DURING A VIOLENT AND TRAUMATIC ATTACK.

FOR INSTANCE:

In this dream I was sleeping on the couch in the living room. One of my kids was at the other end. The rest of my kids were asleep in front of the couch. I heard something at the front door. Then a man walks in. I can tell by the way he's walking he's drunk. He stumbles around for a bit and then just lies down behind the couch. I got up and said quietly yet sternly he had to leave. At first he seemed confused but then he smiled crazy reached back at punched me in the face. I hit the floor. I saw stars and the side of my face was on fire. I didn't think I could get up but I had to. My kids were sleeping just on the other side of the couch. When I got up I could see he was holding a knife by the moonlight through the window. It flickered as he moved it toward me. For what ever reason I grabbed the blade as it came closer to me. I could feel the warm blood running down my arm and then dripping from my elbow to my bare feet. I refused to let go. We ended up on the floor...slipping around in my own blood both struggling for the knife. I somehow managed to get control of it and turn it toward him. As he lunged at me I felt the knife slide into his stomach. I twisted it as hard as I could with my good hand. I knocked him off of me and stabbed him several times. The blood splashed in my face. I actually tasted it. He stopped moving. I reached for my phone and called 911. I don't know what happened after that. I woke up I guess.

The dreams are all similar to this. There is a knife or gun or weapon of some sort and a struggle for my life and to protect my kids. I've only been on this medication for three days yet I can recall in explicit detail several dreams in which I can feel the pain, taste the blood, hear the air gurgling in my attackers chest wound. It's gruesome shit.

I'm going to keep taking it for a weeks time but if it doesn't stop I'm going to have to talk to my doctor about changing it.  I may be sleeping but I'm not getting any rest. The medication is supposed to stop that stuff not exacerbate it.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

False Domestic Violence Allegations and Personality Disorders

Domestic violence is a major issue in our society today, laws have been made to protect those suffering from abuse in the home. It took many years for such laws to be enacted. At one time it was perfectly acceptable for a man to hit, berate and sexually assault his wife. It was considered a valid exercise of authority from husband to wife. We have come a long way. The authorities now recognize this as what it is, abuse.  Because new laws exist women can live freely without fear of violence. Many women are alive today because the court's protection. With that being said, it is also now being used as a tool by women to exercise power over men in their lives. It's a sad and disgusting result of the very laws to protect us. False allegations of domestic violence are at the very least an insult to women who are abused. It makes efforts to secure protection even harder for women who actually need it.  If you are going through a divorce or custody issue and file false charges to gain
Read more

Service Member Suicide

It was recently announced that we have lost more service members this year to suicide than in combat. The statement is shocking, considering we are occupying Afghanistan and other war torn areas of the world and everyday another name is added to the list. People don't want to talk about the suicides. Its as if its a shameful secret swept under the rug. According to the Army soldier suicide is up 80%. EIGHTY PERCENT. We are doing something wrong. It seems that those who truly need help are afraid to talk and those who don't want to quickly blame PTSD for any shortcoming they have in life after war. On the news, if someone robs a bank the first thing they report is he was a combat veteran in one of the branches of the US Military. They skirt around PTSD as a motive. PTSD is real and its not an excuse to toss around lightly. I know why our service members don't reach out. I have been personally effected by it and now since my husband is weeks from retirement and 20 years of
Read more

The Gentle Giant

Image
There are three men in my life that since childhood I have trusted explicitly. Jaime Valenzuela, Sean McGee, and Kenny Loveless. They have loved and protected me for 25 years and have always been there for me in thick and thin. The relationship was special with those three and even to this day I know for a fact that if I called them and told them I needed help their first reply would be "who's ass needs kicking?" It would NOT matter who, or if I were right or wrong they had my back. Today we lost one of those guys and in a way the world feels a bit less safe. We learned that Kenny passed away. He will be sorely missed by so many. We grew up together in a small farming community in Missouri, in the same neighborhood just one street away. There was a group of neighborhood kids who were together daily usually mobbed up in one or the other's front yard. We were as thick as thieves. For the most part even though half of us moved far away and we all grew up to have lives
Read more