There Is No Such Thing as a 15 Year Old Slut
First! A small victory, through many many reports Facebook FINALLY shut down the hateful mock memorial page for Amanda Cummings.
I went toe to toe with several members of the hate groups 4Chan and 9Gag on the memorial page. The major misconception with them is she committed suicide over a boy and she was a slut. So, I want to take a minute to explain a few things in my opinion.
No one commits suicide just because they were dumped or because they are sad. She was in a condition that made her think irrationally. From what I gathered there were several circumstances present that attributed to her choice. I think (and I cant say for sure, I am not a doctor or know all of the facts) she had a history of mental illness, was bullied and then also dumped. Now, for a typical teen with no mental illness being bullied and having your heart broken are very emotionally distressing circumstances. When you add in clinical depression or other mental illness its what I would call "the perfect storm". Girls like us lack the coping skills to deal with these things. Everything seems more dramatic. We cant separate the issues or see ever getting out of the huge black hole of pain. Its as if the world is crumbling down on you.
Did you notice I said "Us"? I too was a 'teenage slut'. Its the reason I am so emotionally invested in her life and story. She wasnt a slut. When you see young girls who appear to be hyper-sexual, its not just because they are "slutty". There is something going on. Not just sometimes. Young girls who dress provocatively, date older boys, seem to be a bit too sexy, and are having sex really early are looking for love in all the wrong places. Just like the old country song. I say this is a red flag for parents. Its not just typical teenage girls trying to assert their independence. In my personal experience, I was sexually abused as a child, my parents were addicts and then divorced when I was 12. My dad moved away and there you have my "perfect storm". I have met a lot of girls like me and we all had this commonality. Our stories are all unique but circumstances are similar. Molestation, child of alcoholic or addict, child of someone with mental illness, childhood trauma, absent father...the list goes on.
We try to find that attention we arent getting, that validation. And the more we get negative attention the worse we feel until all bets are off. Our "reputation" is ruined and we hate ourselves more than ever. We become codependent and cannot cope with every day trials and tribulations. After we feel really bad about ourselves, we turn to ways to numb those bad feelings. In comes drugs, alcohol and other forms of addiction.
We're not even out of our teen years.
I can say in my case I got help. But, it wasn't until I became an adult and educated about the problem. Your kids dont have to wait to help themselves. You can pick up on the red flags well in advance. Dont ignore it. Don't deny it. Don't enable it.
I have read many article about Amanda Cummings and her families insistence that bullying sent her over the edge. As much as I empathize, as much as I completely agree she was bullied and there is no excuse for the behavior...it wasn't just the bullying. I have heard no mention of a dad in her life. I read that her boyfriend was over 18. I read she had depression. That's shaping into the perfect storm....
Recognize these signs in young girls. I beg of you. If she says everything is "fine" dont let yourself off the hook and go on with life.
If you are the girl who feels this way; you need to know you are not a bad, dirty or unworthy person. People love you for who you are not what you do for them. Just the way you are. Unconditionally. You can get help. You have permission to love yourself.
I went toe to toe with several members of the hate groups 4Chan and 9Gag on the memorial page. The major misconception with them is she committed suicide over a boy and she was a slut. So, I want to take a minute to explain a few things in my opinion.
No one commits suicide just because they were dumped or because they are sad. She was in a condition that made her think irrationally. From what I gathered there were several circumstances present that attributed to her choice. I think (and I cant say for sure, I am not a doctor or know all of the facts) she had a history of mental illness, was bullied and then also dumped. Now, for a typical teen with no mental illness being bullied and having your heart broken are very emotionally distressing circumstances. When you add in clinical depression or other mental illness its what I would call "the perfect storm". Girls like us lack the coping skills to deal with these things. Everything seems more dramatic. We cant separate the issues or see ever getting out of the huge black hole of pain. Its as if the world is crumbling down on you.
Did you notice I said "Us"? I too was a 'teenage slut'. Its the reason I am so emotionally invested in her life and story. She wasnt a slut. When you see young girls who appear to be hyper-sexual, its not just because they are "slutty". There is something going on. Not just sometimes. Young girls who dress provocatively, date older boys, seem to be a bit too sexy, and are having sex really early are looking for love in all the wrong places. Just like the old country song. I say this is a red flag for parents. Its not just typical teenage girls trying to assert their independence. In my personal experience, I was sexually abused as a child, my parents were addicts and then divorced when I was 12. My dad moved away and there you have my "perfect storm". I have met a lot of girls like me and we all had this commonality. Our stories are all unique but circumstances are similar. Molestation, child of alcoholic or addict, child of someone with mental illness, childhood trauma, absent father...the list goes on.
We try to find that attention we arent getting, that validation. And the more we get negative attention the worse we feel until all bets are off. Our "reputation" is ruined and we hate ourselves more than ever. We become codependent and cannot cope with every day trials and tribulations. After we feel really bad about ourselves, we turn to ways to numb those bad feelings. In comes drugs, alcohol and other forms of addiction.
We're not even out of our teen years.
I can say in my case I got help. But, it wasn't until I became an adult and educated about the problem. Your kids dont have to wait to help themselves. You can pick up on the red flags well in advance. Dont ignore it. Don't deny it. Don't enable it.
I have read many article about Amanda Cummings and her families insistence that bullying sent her over the edge. As much as I empathize, as much as I completely agree she was bullied and there is no excuse for the behavior...it wasn't just the bullying. I have heard no mention of a dad in her life. I read that her boyfriend was over 18. I read she had depression. That's shaping into the perfect storm....
Recognize these signs in young girls. I beg of you. If she says everything is "fine" dont let yourself off the hook and go on with life.
If you are the girl who feels this way; you need to know you are not a bad, dirty or unworthy person. People love you for who you are not what you do for them. Just the way you are. Unconditionally. You can get help. You have permission to love yourself.
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