Hard work pays off.
I am feeling really lucky right now. my oldest son is having a lot of problems at home and in school and I am feeling really defeated about all of it and we are finally at a place that both sets of parents can really talk it out, share our feelings and ideas and really support each other in those areas.
Its refreshing to know that I can let my guard down and be completely honest. We have come to a place in our lives as parents that we are able to share our frustrations, fears, obstacles in an effort to do the very best we can for our kid.
Its taken so long to get this place and so much hard work, failures, trials and tribulation. We had to all screw up so bad and hurt each other and TJ to get here.
We had to get past the anger, resentment and possession of it all. I am so grateful for the efforts of Mike, Tony and Kelly. Its something that I once thought was not even possible.
We still disagree on things and annoy each other but now we are able to just talk about it, resolve it and not turn it into a complete crisis. We are able to admit the real problem and go from there instead of blaming and shaming, screaming and nagging.
His step-mom and I spoke today and I got off the phone feeling better than I did before we spoke and I am not at ashamed to say it. I told her about the amazing guilt I feel for our son's recent behavior and I just don't know what I am doing wrong. She said "You just need to let that go. Its easier said than done but you are doing what I would do and the best we can" It was like a huge weight off my shoulders to have that reassurance and support.
We have really been working on getting past all the insecurities as women and just trying our best to parent this kid. I think the best part is that our kid knows we all communicate regularly and there is no "sides". We are all on Team TJ.
So, I guess...the strong parental relationship is not going to prevent TJ from having problems in adolescence but it surely isn't adding to them. Its one of the many things I am so thankful for.
This is what I have learned so far: If you are in a shared custody situation in your life, try your best to just get past the selfish BS and work together for the kids. It IS hard and you really have to work at it but it is so rewarding. You may not be right for each other but you are perfect for your child. Adding more people to love them is a gift, not a burden. Unless you make it one. Don't look for reasons to hate the former spouse. If something sounds off just ask them. More than likely you child misunderstood something. Don't let things fester or assume you know their intentions. Respect boundaries and the rules of the other parents. If you hint to your kids that you disagree or dislike their ways, they will totally use that to their advantage. Kids are super smart and pick up more than you know. Never let pride prevent you from giving your child the best life. Really consider what the other parents have to say.
I have learned to let go of past "wrong-doings". I am not saying it doesn't happen for about a minute or three but I acknowledge it and shut it off. You cant go back. No one is innocent in these situations.
We've been divorced for 8 years and its only in the past year or so that I can say "it works for us". I hope to keep working on it, learning and growing as a parent and I finally feel like we can only make the process and life more enjoyable, for all seven of our kids and each other.
Its refreshing to know that I can let my guard down and be completely honest. We have come to a place in our lives as parents that we are able to share our frustrations, fears, obstacles in an effort to do the very best we can for our kid.
Its taken so long to get this place and so much hard work, failures, trials and tribulation. We had to all screw up so bad and hurt each other and TJ to get here.
We had to get past the anger, resentment and possession of it all. I am so grateful for the efforts of Mike, Tony and Kelly. Its something that I once thought was not even possible.
We still disagree on things and annoy each other but now we are able to just talk about it, resolve it and not turn it into a complete crisis. We are able to admit the real problem and go from there instead of blaming and shaming, screaming and nagging.
His step-mom and I spoke today and I got off the phone feeling better than I did before we spoke and I am not at ashamed to say it. I told her about the amazing guilt I feel for our son's recent behavior and I just don't know what I am doing wrong. She said "You just need to let that go. Its easier said than done but you are doing what I would do and the best we can" It was like a huge weight off my shoulders to have that reassurance and support.
We have really been working on getting past all the insecurities as women and just trying our best to parent this kid. I think the best part is that our kid knows we all communicate regularly and there is no "sides". We are all on Team TJ.
So, I guess...the strong parental relationship is not going to prevent TJ from having problems in adolescence but it surely isn't adding to them. Its one of the many things I am so thankful for.
This is what I have learned so far: If you are in a shared custody situation in your life, try your best to just get past the selfish BS and work together for the kids. It IS hard and you really have to work at it but it is so rewarding. You may not be right for each other but you are perfect for your child. Adding more people to love them is a gift, not a burden. Unless you make it one. Don't look for reasons to hate the former spouse. If something sounds off just ask them. More than likely you child misunderstood something. Don't let things fester or assume you know their intentions. Respect boundaries and the rules of the other parents. If you hint to your kids that you disagree or dislike their ways, they will totally use that to their advantage. Kids are super smart and pick up more than you know. Never let pride prevent you from giving your child the best life. Really consider what the other parents have to say.
I have learned to let go of past "wrong-doings". I am not saying it doesn't happen for about a minute or three but I acknowledge it and shut it off. You cant go back. No one is innocent in these situations.
We've been divorced for 8 years and its only in the past year or so that I can say "it works for us". I hope to keep working on it, learning and growing as a parent and I finally feel like we can only make the process and life more enjoyable, for all seven of our kids and each other.
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