I would like to file a complaint with the universe

Because clearly, shouting at the infinite skies is more effective than calling the Missouri Department of Revenue. First let me point out a few ironic highlights of the system. If you are OWED money by the state for your individual taxes, there is no customer service line. You know, the sort with live people. You can check online or email and keep your fingers crossed. HOWEVER, if YOU owe THEM, heck yes there is a call center. So, I called.
When I first called they tried to filter me out by asking if I was calling to inquire about a return. Oh, but I know to say no. They want to direct me to the the automated system. I get into the wait queue and it says "You are caller 41 and your approximate wait time is 47 minutes." I throw caution to the wind, clicker 'er into speaker mode and mentally cancel the next hour of my life.

I held, and held some more. I held as I was getting dressed. I held while I was brushing my teeth, strapping my daughter in the car, going to my sons school and then right as my child was walking out the door a voice asks how they can help me...

What happened after that was more like a skit from Crank Yankers and less like a training video for future representatives.

I said "YES, you can help me but first know that I dont owe you money. Quite the contrary. However, you cleverly do not offer a live person for being owed money so you win the honor today. "
He stammered a bit and said "n-n-no problem lets get the info to look it up."
I explained to him that our return was filed the first week of March and per the online service, it was received the following week. 'Received but not processed.' Then, it sat in that status til April 15 (I know because my husband and I check three times a week!)And I am sure it was just an ironic coincidence that it was finally in a "processing" status on TAX DAY, because as you guys have said before its processed in the order they are received. So here we are on the tenth of May which is almost a month after the processing begun. Where is my money?

He said "well, it looks like it has been processed and we are just waiting on the check to be issued." I say "We? No, you don't get a cut of this booty. How long does it take to print a check because I can print counterfeit bills to rival the Mint in the time its taken so far."

And his answer was not shocking but my mouth did drop a bit, I confess. He says "We cant issue a check until the states budget allows for it." Um...what?

I said "say again? (I asked if he was even comfortable saying that aloud. Really really?)Your budget? So lemme get this straight. We have a tax deadline. April 15th. We pay late, we pay penalties. You however get to BUDGET when you'd like to pay me? Listen buddy, my budget doesn't allow for you to hold on to my thousand dollars for three months. Its OUR money. As sad as it must be to not be able to give back a thousand bucks and need to budget for it, my empathy is lacking. How can we fix this? How about you take a pay cut?"

He laughs and says "I can only tell you what I know."

I ask well how about telling me something he knows that is helpful. I asked if he knew what kind of car the Governor drove because I am coming to repossess it. He can have it back when I can work it in my budget.

I tell him the timer on my phone with holding and out chat says 48 minutes, but at least the hold music didn't suck. I bid farewell.

So, all in all I can be thankful for the entertainment and expect to see our refund, in I dunno August?

I hope they recorded that conversation. It was brilliant.

PS Where's my money?