The "novelty period" of loss

I don't know what the professionals call it or if it's even really been discusses but there is a period of time when a person dies in which I refer to as the "novelty period". Most people are well meaning, some people just like to be involved in whatever is popular. There is a certain self gratification people get by consoling the bereaved. It's hard to explain this strange behavior. People come out of the woodworks. It's positive and helpful at first. You really do need support after losing a loved one. But then after a while it just stops.

Maybe they think you've "gotten over it". Maybe someone else has died and they've moved on. I don't really know but I distinctly remember the deafening silence that came then. It felt like an oxygen pump was shut off. It sort of takes the wind out of you. 

I have helped many families since my own loss and learned it wasn't just something that happened to me. It seemed very common. So much so that I make it a point to mention this issue to those grieving now. I explain to them if they have tons of support now, that's excellent but sometimes it disappears and it's not uncommon. Just keep it in the back of your mind. It will be jarring if you're unprepared. Try to recognize those people  in for the long haul. Appreciate the support you're getting...although fleeting in some instances. Don't take it personally. It's not you. It's not an indication you should "be over it" at that point. It just seems to be human nature.

Also some people slowly stop mentioning your loss thinking it will only upset you. If you still want to talk about it, keep your loved one in conversations...do it. You will set the tone. Dont worry you are annoying people or making them uncomfortable. It is YOUR loss. A good support system will never roll their eyes or ask if you're STILL hung up on it.

I really do advise obtaining a solid support network of other survivors BEFORE the "novelty period" ends. I joined TAPS (taps.org) but not until well after the silence came. I didn't have the guidance of someone who had been through the loss of a spouse. That's why I try to share as much as I've learned. So others don't have to find out the hard way.

This might not mean anything to you know but please just file it in the back of your mind fir now. I hope you don't have to use it.

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